Quit Smoking

i had 2 ciggarettes on thursday. all day yesterday i didn’t have any, and so far today i haven’t had any. i am not going anywhere tonight, so i know i won’t buy any, but my upstairs neighbors smoke and we’re supposed to hang out tonight, so i might end up buming one off them. but three in three days and i have managed not to buy any, i think i can really do it this time. my boyfriend who works in alaska is supposed to be home tomorrow night or monday and he won’t kiss me or anything if i have been smoking, and he doesn’t like me smoking… so its just that motivation i think i needed. i hope this goes well, and i hope i never have to try and quit again.

this isn’t working….i just don’t think i am ready to quit yet. and when i am ready, i will definately need some help. no more attempting to go cold turkey for me.

it was good. right now i really want one, probably just cause i am bored. i should make my dinner and then do my homework.
i know this is stupid and trivial, but for some stupid reason these two people i go to school with deleted me from their myspace friends. and like i added them/they approved being my friend less than a month ago. i always knew they didn’t like me. peh on them.
anyways. smoking. i keep on thinking really deeply about smoking, like how i could get away with one more pack and no one would know.
i’m debating if i should delete it off my list yet… or if i should wait until i have been successful for a while.
ok. time for me to go do things…thanks all for reading.

i am somewhat excited. i hope i can do this…i always feel like i am letting myself down when i end up starting smoking again.
but today begins my forever of no more smoking.
horrah!

i look at the “3 days left” and i think… i could buy a pack and have it gone by my deadline. and i just might. someone comment me soon, convince me not to go buy a pack before i go hang out with my friends!!!

okay. i think i need to start my countdown again lol.
finals was last week, and i was stressed. i cracked under pressure. i bought a pack of camel no.9 mentols. and then i bought another. crap. i only have two left, and after these two, i WILL stop. cause i do NOT want to get rid of my gas credit cards.
bleh. so, tomorrow, day one, lets try this again :-) spring break at home will be muuuuch easier to quit..i hope.

This weekend was better than last weekend. i only had say 5 or 6 cigs. it honestly helps that they’re not mine, cause i know theres a point i will start to feel guilty.
anyways. i hope that this will be the week i don’t have any at all.
love to my lovelies
-Me

Today was really good. i mean really really good, i don’t think there was a point today when i wanted a smoke. except now, that i’m talking about it…lol
and i’m betting later after i finish all my homework i will want one, but i don’t have any around. which honestly makes all the difference. woot for me doing well.
oh geez, i just said woot.

I kind of forgot to post the past few days. but i haven’t been doing too well. i bummed menthol 100’s at my friends house over the weekend, and a camel Turkish on Sunday. and today i actually asked my friend for one. hmm..i haven’t bought a pack, but this isn’t going well. i still have 28 days to complete my goal before the consequence.
i wish i had the money to be able to buy some kind of supplements, but they’re all so expensive. (a pack of niccorette being like $40 to $80, while a pack of cigarettes are only $5 to $6) and i’m not even buying packs of cigs.
sigh i wish i could just stop…but there are times when i am so tempted…

well. i knew this weekend was going to be difficult. yesterday morning i was craving intensely so i got swishers instead. that doesn’t work too well cause if any of you know, swishers are “cigars” not cigs so you can’t inhale them. and when you’re used to smoking & inhaling that is really hard. so when i got to school i stood outside in the freezing cold and smoked my swisher. and choked like 5 times.
but the rest of the day was good. i just wish i decided to go home this weekend, because of course, after telling me i probably wouldn’t see him much, ron tells me that he is spending the night at my parents house, which would have meant i could have spent the WHOLE night with him….oh well, i hope he comes back today or tomorrow. i miss him.