overcome depression and anxiety

I go see the sleep doctor for the first time.

FDA approves new drug

(really, you should watch this video)

I’ve had serious problems sleeping properly for about 2 years. I have decided that this is a huge problem that demands serious and immediate attention. I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday about it. These past couple of weeks, I’ve experimented with going to bed super early (between 8:30-9:30 pm). I read for a bit, but mostly have been allowing myself extra rest time, even if I don’t sleep. I’ve also been allowing myself naps on weekends. When I do this, I feel so much better! More alert, more productive, less anxious.

I had a better day yesterday

Really, super anxious, with all the accompanying crap. Trouble thinking, starting projects, finishing projects, making decisions. This is not good given my new job. I’m so embarrassed to admit that this is happening yet again.

I hate this anxiety disorder

Do you mind if I vent a bit?

After today, I have just three days left at my place of work (MPOW). This would be dandy except that a) I’ve been sick since Monday and b) I have these two, dreadful, scary reports to write that I’ve been putting off for a week. I am a great big ball of paralyzing anxiety right now. I do want to complete this last task before I leave MPOW; I would hate for the final impression of me to be that I don’t fulfill my obligations. My fear of failure has kicked in big time. I know I’m avoiding this because the report is fairly high profile and will be read by many people. I am irrationally, absolutely certain that what ever I write will utterly suck. I know, I know, I always say this. I’m tired of this pattern, of letting this fear of failure run my life.

I took today as a sick day, so I have the entire afternoon available to try to make some progress. I am feeling a bit better. I think I need to resist my compulsive urge to search for more articles/sources and to read more stuff. I think I need to write up some of what I have already read and try to get some kind of outline together. I left half of my stuff (notes and articles) at work, not thinking that I would be home sick for 2.5 days, so I don’t know if it is worth it for me to sneak into the library tonight or if I should just grab that stuff tomorrow.

Here’s the deal: If I can finish any kind of half-way reasonable drafts of these reports, I am basically finished at MPOW. Everything else is cleaning up odds and ends, cleaning out physical and electronic files, packing up my desk, bidding adieu to my work peeps. I just need to write these so I can be free.

Feeling a bit anxious because I’m having a friend over to the house this afternoon. I haven’t had anyone over in ages because the place is such a mess. But, she says she doesn’t care and I want her to meet Zeke. I’m going to get up right now and try to make it a bit better before she shows up. I am nervous, though. Also, I wish it weren’t raining.

I don’t want to get overly excited about this, but, my brain seems to be working. Started new med #1 on Monday night. Didn’t sleep well, but still felt slightly better yesterday. Again, didn’t sleep well last night, but feeling even better – clearer, more focused & perkier – today. I start new med #2 tomorrow. We shall see how that goes.

crossing my fingers

Just returned from dr. Have new meds and recommendations for new therapists. Hope this all works out okay.

Wishing I had taken entire day off. Oh well. Need to eat lunch and go to work for 1/2 day.