find a job i love

I was disappointed last week when I felt like my interview didn’t go well, but tomorrow I have an interview for an entirely different position.

It is for the Health Access Project in Salt Lake City, so we shall see…

I love the new director… which is helping me stay positive about where i am at. I know I can make it to January, and maybe I’ll make it through the rest of the year. It depends who my assistant would be, right?

I am thinking about Southern Convention Services, though, and maybe they will have a design position open in January. I would like to get back in my field for a while.

I received an e-mail notifying me about this job, and there was a 72 hour window in which to complete the lengthy application. It would be a serious pay raise, security clearance, govt. employment, benefits, etc… a total fantasticness!

this is the deal, though. just got more than a 3% raise at my current job (goes into affect on August 1, 2008). I have a contract to sign. I know that they think this is what I’ve decided to do for the next year… and I’m so conflicted. It could be worse. It’s nice to have limited hours, so I have more time for my personal life, but it makes it really hard to make any financial progress, since I can’t always count on getting over 30 hours. I never thought this would be my career, and although it’s only been a year and 4 months, I am terrified of getting trapped in it… since it doesn’t fulfill my preferences. Sure, it’s a job. People are ok. I actually like a few of them. I know what to expect. I’m sort of in charge of my small domain (this feels good, of course), but it just feels like an extension of the service industry… which I long ago tired of.

Anyway, I feel guilty, constantly searching for a better option while working there… and it is hard to say “i’m on board” when I know that i will jump ship as soon as I get something better. I have been actively job searching the entire time I’ve been there!

How do you deal with this sort of turmoil? the desire to be straightforward and honest, but recognizing until you get a bite, you can’t really say you are leaving, either? They depend on me, they need me, they hope I will stay forever. They complement me. I don’t even have the certification, and they almost treat me like I do. They have such a hard time hiring people, for all the same reasons I’m ready to go. But, there is that whole longevity thing. Can’t hurt me to stay until something REALLY good comes along.

maybe it’ll be this one? maybe not.

As she reaches her two year mark… she is realizing she doesn’t want to do this forever. She and I want to love our jobs, to feel validated in our efforts, to not let work detract from the lives we want.

I’m creeping up on 1.5 years… and I am having similar sensations. If there is no room for growth, what keeps you there? If it is just about a paycheck, what’s the point?

waiting.

I guess it’s time to walk myself over in some semi-professional clothes to check on the status of my apps.

Otherwise (since the applications are only through the internet) I may not hear anything. I’m assuming the positions are meant to start in August with the new semester.. but I’d think it would be better to train during the slow season.

for a job as an admissions/info person at UAH… I haven’t heard anything yet, but the benefits would be great if I get a call: UAH fitness center, discounts on classes, hour lunch breaks, and I know a lot of people who work there. I kinda know some of the stuff already, so further training, would’nt be a stretch.

and saw that there is an advertising agency on the corner next to the courthouse… and I started daydreaming about working for them. Obviously, I don’t want to sell advertisements, but there is something about understanding ad placement, about demographics, about actually constructing an advertisement that makes me sort of excited. I would love to work downtown… and be able to dart into a shop or restaurant on my lunch break. I miss that sort of work experience.

I don’t understand why I feel some inferiority about my appearance. Why do I feel like I would never get a job in that sort of environment, b/c I just don’t look the part? What do I need to do to feel confident in my appearance so that my natural instincts and abilities can present themselves as I interview and seek new job opportunities?

and in sharing my ideas, it made me sort of love my job for a second. I miss the interaction.

It is funny how bipolar I am about this job. And, having that knowledge, I should be able to stick it out until I really find what I’m looking for. I would never just quit without having a really good reason. I am hoping that working with Lauren will really help with my optimism. I love her attitude/ honesty, and although we don’t agree on everything, there is enough mutual respect that we are both willing to try the other one’s ideas.

My real question, as I recommence job searches, is which direction?

Do I want to emphasize nutrition, health, fitness, etc… to help people gain happier, longer lives?

Or.

Do I want to utilize my written communication skills, ideas, and research abilities to be a supporting member in a larger, more corporate environment?

I wish I could just spend my time coming up with health plans for people, writing my opinion, and delegating my knowledge to others. I’m just not sure I want my work to be time based. I want it to be more project oriented.

I need to streamline my “27 major points.”

I realize that I was pretty moody when I wrote them down… but they are things I’ve been thinking about for months. I love how those 3-4 days out of the month can really make you speak, your mind, make you consider leaving your job, then it passes, you become gung-ho again, and you can live with it… until you do find the perfect upgrade.

there has been a lot I’ve had to push through, dissatisfaction with communication, difficult coworkers, insufficient pay, endless colds. I have kept giving reasons why I need to stay… and I feel like I keep sacrificing myself over and over.

There are good days. There are some people I enjoy working with. Toddlers are such cool little people. The hours aren’t bad…

but I am so frustrated with the way things are done.

(I always wanted to be a parent, but I never had career goals to be a teacher or a childcare provider….)

I know that I have the patience and demeanor for this to be a perfect thing, but it is not what I desire.  It is not what drives me, it does not fulfill me.  I feel like I am doing community service for barely a living wage.  And it feels like obligation.

I keep wondering if I will stop getting sick if I work in a different environment.

Now, I need to decide if I am willing to commit to another year for the sake of job longevity and a good recommendation, or if I should cut my losses, become more aggressive about a job search, and plan to move on by the end of the summer.

I know I don’t want to do this for more than another year… but do I even want to do that? I don’t know yet.