I think my expectations of “making friends” are a little unclear and immeasurable. After all, what constitutes a good friend? How do you know when they’ve become a good friend? How do you make this “good friend” status known to the other person without coming across as weirdly obsessed with labels and expectations of what a good friend should be/do/say/feel?
I don’t know the answers to these questions. All I know is that right now I can only count a handful of people that check in with me on a regular basis. They’re a good mix of family and friends. I feel guilty that this should be enough for me. But honestly, I still feel like even these people keep their distance at times. None of them really show a desire to get to know me on any deeper levels. They show interest, but is it out of an unspoken obligation to continue showing interest when they may have lost it awhile ago? Friendship is confusing.
I guess the only thing I can do is measure how good of a friend I am to those that openly consider me a friend. Do I make an effort to get to know them on a deeper level? Do I help them when they need help? Am I honest with them? Do I let them in? These are things I have to consider before I can start expecting others to do the same for/with me.
