Have an awesomely different life by this time next year

and the best thing is that there is a whole nother year in front of me! :)

I can’t believe this thing is almost over.
I added it July 31, 2007 and July 31, 2008 is only a week away.

time flies whey your life is so awesomely different.

a lot of the reason i haven’t been around here lately is because of the new projects I get to work on.

And I’m happy i got back here before my awesome year was over.

Because sometimes i feel like I’m making no
progress at all, but getting to see exactly where i was a year ago makes me see how far i HAVE come!

At least it is for me any way. Since I’ve been being mindful about my thoughts I’ve noticed that every so often I would be super crabby for no apparent reason. I’d had enough sleep, enough caffeine, enough food, but still every little thing would get on my nerves. I just did my best to breath thru the tedium and get back to a more open hearted approach toward the wold. Then a day or two later I would get my period. Wow, I thought, that bad mood was PMS! This cleared a lot of things up and last week when it seemed that everyone in the world’s bad attitudes had been amped up and IQ scores severely lowered I closed my eyes and reassured my self it was only hormones and that in as little as 48 hours things would be back to normal. And you know what? It was a much more pleasant couple of days.

A couple of months ago i was thinking a lot about what things would be like if things happened differently than how i believed the had to/should happen. This mainly had to do with me getting over the idea that for anything to get done (or more importantly GET DONE RIGHT) I had to do it.
I thought about the story of the shoe maker and the elves who would come in the night and finish his work. Lately i’ve walked into situations where it seems elves have come and accomplished the work I’d planned to do myself. It has been shocking to realize my immediate reaction to this situation is a feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I see i must o something to change this.
My focus at the moment is going to be to release my strangle hold on the belief that Only I can get things done and that my self worth is directly related to how well i do it all.
I think i’m at a very good place to face this right now because i’m reaching a new point in my life where it seems that there aren’t enough hours in the day. My habit is to play cinderella and finish all the my chores perfectly before allowing my self to do what i really want. I’ve been pretty good with letting go of the idea of perfection, now i’ve got to get clear on the fact that ALL the chores don’t have to be my chores, that it’s ok to ask for help and even better to accept it!

the fact of the matter is that I continue to get things done and thats what’s important. It’s just like this goal, I can’t dictate how my life will be different, I just trust that it will be awesome. Setting goal dates is important, but so is reasonably reevaluating them. I’m not static and my direction is forward. An analigy to the tortis and the hair.

The quote on the page i wrote my last entry on was:
“I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”
- Abraham Maslow
That pretty much sums up my awesomely different journey to this point.

As a child when i was asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i would answer with three different vocations. And it wasn’t a matter of choosing between the three, I wanted to do all three things. The three things I’d want to do would change because i had a lot of different interests. My What i was most interested in at the time would inform my answer, and I’d keep my answer to three things because i knew i had to be realistic and being anything more than three things at once didn’t seem reasonable.
As i became a young adult my vast interest in a wide variety of things narrowed into a personal sense of medocraty. I was good at a lot of things, but i wasn’t great at any one thing. Many times I thought that i should have focused my energy on one thing, ANYTHING, and that i had missed my chance living up to my potential.
Oh yes, i was very good at feeling sory for my self. But even while wrapped in layors of wallowing i could feel the desire to do something more. Generaly my doing went like this: Get idea, Get excited about idea, Get it in my head that other conditions in my life need to be different to act on idea, Get sorry for my self that i am not the kind of person who can make their ideas come true.
Lately things have changed. I’ve been committed to and completing projects. No excuses, weather i get a cold or have to work 60 hours in a week, if i want to do something it gets done. Now, I’m not killing myself to complete things, but i I’ve noticed how I’ve used bumps in the road as excuses for stagnation in the past and am committed to taking care of my self during those times and rebounding with the strength and energy to get back to what i want to be doing.
And in really doing what i really want to do i have realized that i can pursue my varied interests, and being good at a lot of different things can be the thing that I’m great at.
And like normal i received a sign that i am on the right path when my astrologer assured me I’m here to exhort you, Aries, to treat your desires as sacred rocket fuel—in 2008, more than ever. In the coming months, in accordance with your astrological omens, I will intensify my efforts to supercharge your ambition.

and i haven’t been able to play it at all for a long time.
I’ve had this sort of problems with other CDs and have found that importing them to my computer’s music player’s library fixes the audio glitches and allows me to enjoy them again.
I’ve tried doing this with this one CD several times with no luck, it seemed to be beyond repair.
I plan on making mix CDs for Christmas gifts and want to use 2 songs from this album, so i gave importing it one last chance AND IT WORKED!!!

so much has changed in the past 4 months. I feel that a lot of it has to do in my noticing how my attitude has changed. I am also noticing a lot of forces outside of my control positively working for me. Many have been big, but the small ones are just as exciting.

For example, i am hearing roomers that my favorite reality show (if not TV show in general) Big Brother will begin its 9th season this February, five months before its regularly scheduled start date!

When i found out that news i thought to myself ‘can things get any better?!?’ The answere to that question was YES! because now i log on to 43 things to find that making goals personal challenges seems to be a thing of the past.

When i first started messing around on 43 things i came across an entry entitled ‘this site is magic’ which was all about how a goal the author had set for themselves, a problem that needed fixing, simply and surprisingly worked itself out. I’ve kept that in mind with every thing I’ve put on my list and i must say I’ve gotten goose bumps more than once when something otherworldly seems to guide a goal to completion.

I like checking in on this goal once a week because it allows me to see how much i have changes. When i adopted this goal i thought about recording the way my life was so i would have a touchstone for the growth that would ensue. I decided against that because i didn’t want to put any parameters on how my life would be different. I understood that i couldn’t wholly describe where i was and that in noticing how some things weren’t changing i might miss changes i wasn’t looking for. Like, for example, how much i’ve let go of needing to tell people (and have them listen to me about) how to act. I can have a conversation and just listen to what is being said and, if asked, give my opinion without making it seem like it is the only answer, because it isn’t!!! It is a big change and it didn’t happen over night, and instead of taking it for granted i noticed it because i’m paying attention to all the changes that come along. And that is why i’m grateful for this goal.