stay positive

I had to let my baby go last week. Until the last minute, I thought I only have to give him away. Parts of my last entry seem horribly ironic now. Genetic defects, science- that for the first time in my life I didn’t want to hear about. I wanted someone to make it stop and make it better. But no one could. And this was, is real heartbreak. He was ten months, we were supposed to move out together in five.

I never even cared about the money, people keep telling me to go get my money back but it seems cheap to care about that when no one could ever replace a lost best friend. Staying positive is hard and you can only tell yourself that it’s for the best so many times before the phrase loses meaning.

Dark side- I miss him painfully. Bright side- we’re both in better places.

I am being forced to give up my puppy. He has been my world and I never expected us to have to seperate until, youknow, one of us died. I don’t think I would be able to get through this if I didn’t look on the bright side. So I guess, I did accomplish something through all this- learning how to look at the bright side (lookatme, I’m doing it right now)

I’m also learning a lot about “can’t” lately. People always say there’s many things that they can’t do, or can’t handle. I always thought the same thing. Loosing my little puppy was on that list. You think it’s impossible- but at the end of the day, it’s done and you’re still alive. You did it and as unhappy you may be about it- there is no “can’t” anymore.

With doing quite crapily in school and now being unsure of some relationships in my life I could be taking it quite badly. But I’m starting to recognize that it’s not that big of a deal. All I have to do is buckle down in school, recognizing that I wasn’t was that hardest part. And also relationships change over time, it’s just in their nature.

See positive spins are starting to come naturally.

Yesterday I was feeling prety negative. Something that I think resulted from not getting a lot of sleep and a bit of a shift in my relationship. Not in a bad way at all, it’s all great, but I was feeling a little insecure for some inexlpicable reason. But I saw it happening and fixed it. Today was great and considering my mother and I spent the day together and no one snapped it was a pretty big step in this all.