have normal sleep hours

and how did i do this? heh. it all began during my last inpatient stay. the nurses give the patients their meds, which meant that i couldn’t put off taking the trazodone until the wee hours of the night, which was fine.

fortunately, i’ve been able to keep this same sleep schedule (10:30ish pm to 7:30ish am) in the past 6 weeks or so since i’ve been discharged. however, the p-doc wants me to stop taking the trazodone, but he said that if i need to take it, then do so. the last couple of nights i’ve tried going to bed without it and it just hasn’t worked, so now my schedule’s off a wee bit, but not too bad.

this past weekend, i had a CPAP Titration Test, as well as a test for narcolepsy. read full entry here

i finished my course of Ritalin last Friday. since then, i’ve had to take two-sometimes, three-naps a day! once a day was bad enough because they last 2 hours. this is ridiculous.

there was talk about me going to day hospital again because i’m having trouble just doing anything. well, what i’m having difficulty with is fighting my mood states in order to do stuff. it isn’t so bad where i’m not showering for days at a time, but i’m missing meals again, not eating when i’m supposed to. and i’ll only go out if Brian’s with me.

coincidentally, for the past 2 years, i’ve been in day hospital (also known as partial, partial hospitalization programs, PHP) at around this time of year. this time, though, we’ll wait for the sleep study results—the next tests are in a couple of weeks. once that’s taken care of, i may not be depressed at all and can have normal sleep.

i had a sleep study done last Thursday. read the entry here. i’ll get the results tomorrow.

i’m still sleeping way more than i should: 7 – 9 hours a night, and then a 2-hr. nap every afternoon. the routine for the first half of my day is now like this:

wake up
feed cats
small meal
Internet
shower
small meal
read
nap

the sleep study is scheduled for February 9. the p-doc was happy to hear that i’m having this done, especially because the ENT suspected the sleep apnea independent of its depression-like mood symptoms. (he looked up my nose with an endoscope.) the p-doc says that if the sleep apnea explains away the physical symtoms (lack of energy, chronic fatigue, excessive sleep) but i still have the mood symptoms of depression, then we’ll again discuss ECT.

as it is, i’m on the combination of anti-depressants (Cymbalta and Wellbutrin) given to people whose depression is unresponsive to all of the other meds. and believe me, i’ve been on just about every anti-depressant except for Prozac because he doesn’t think it’s strong enough for me.

he doesn’t believe that the Wellbutrin is causing my anxiety, so i’m still on 300mg. however, once i’ve finished whatever Ritalin i have, that’s it for that.

my anxiety (or patience? or both?) is getting worse. i didn’t make it to my therapist appointment today. in fact, i was worried about it last week because the whole looking for parking thing gets me all worked up. (what if i can’t find a parking spot? what if i do, but it’s at a meter that you’re not supposed park at between 4 and 6pm, and my session goes past 4? omg—did i bring enough quarters?) normally this doesn’t bother me, but for the past few weeks it has. i couldn’t even face calling her myself so i asked Brian to do it. i’m not even going to make an appointment for a while, until i’m certain i can make it.

of course i could take public transportation, but since i haven’t used it in at least a year, i get all anxious about that, too.

i was planning to pick Brian up from work yesterday. he was supposed to call me at 4:30 after a meeting, but he didn’t call ‘til after 5, which completely threw me off. when my anxiety is high like this, if the day doesn’t go as planned, then i get totally confused and become immobilized. as a result, i never made it to the post office to mail the bills and ship an order for my little online LEGO shop. i didn’t make it today, either, since i didn’t leave to go to the therapist. i just couldn’t make myself leave the apartment.

even as i’m typing this, my heart is starting to race and i’m starting to feel nauseous, so i guess i’ll stop.

i haven’t been doing so well keeping track of my sleep hours. well, let’s see…

Sunday, 1/8/06
—took trazodone: 1:30am (?)
—went to bed: 2:30am(?)
—woke up: 9:30am (?)
—took Ritalin: 10:00am
—felt really sleepy around 11:30am and 3:00pm

Monday, 1/9/06
—took trazodone: 2:30am (?)
—went to bed: 2:30am (?)
—woke up/got up: 8:30am
—took Ritalin: 8:30am
—felt sleepy around 11:30am, but i took Benadryl around 10:00am

oops. i forgot to do this earlier.

—took trazodone: not sure. 1:30am?
—went to bed: 2:00am
—tossed and turned for about 45 minutes
—woke up/got up: 10:30ish am
—took Ritalin: 11:00am
—felt supersleepy around 3:00pm but didn’t nap

it’a actually January 7, i just haven’t gone to bed yet, and i wanted to add this so i don’t forget to.

—napped from 7:45 – 9:00pm

—took trazodone: either 2:00 or 2:45am
—went to bed: 3:00am
—took Ritalin: 9:00am
—woke up: 10:30ish am
—got up: 10:51am

told the p-doc today that i’m having the opposite problem now: i’m sleeping way too much. it’s like, i can’t get enough sleep. i’m sleepy all the time. i get about 10, 12 hours of sleep, and still fall asleep in the afternoon. he wants me to get a physical and get some labwork done. i hate going to doctors.