Be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference...

i have been friends with my boyfriend since i was in the 7th grade and we started going out almost 3 months ago…most ppl say tht dating ur best friend isnt good but when u fall in love like i did its so worth it…i had liked him all school year and i knew tht he liked me 2…but i didnt say ne thing then 2nd semester he sat with me and my friends at lunch so i liked him even more…we flirted forever but no one said ne thing but now i wish i had bc he came into lunch 1 day and told us tht he got laid a couple days ago…and being friends u get kinda indepth 2…this broke my heart so much…and i felt like i could have prevented it…like it my fault…but then we started goin out and tht is when i realized tht he meant the world to me…but i also realized tht as i was waiting to have sex i would be recieving less than him…it heart me tht he could have my whole heart…and really he already did…but i couldnt have his at leats not entirely…i slowly started to accept the fact tht i couldnt do ne thing bout this…then one nite he lied to me bout her and i have never honestly hated ne one until her…my heart had broken and i couldnt fix it…she really was a crack whore…or so i thot and til i found out tonite tht not only was she his first but he was her first…and this made me feel like he was goin around takin ppls virginity tho i new this was not the case…but…their break up was quite sticky…they were separated 4 2 weeks and while they were having sex she told him tht she had screwed 8 different guys in the last 2 weeks tht was when he decided she needed to go…and i no he loves me…i can c it in his eyes…and maybe this seems shallow but i no tht virginity is the greatest gift u have but 4 the rest of my life im never goin to get tht gift but he will have…twice…i cant descride the pain i go thro every day…i just want to let go of it…but i just cant…help…please?