stop hating myself

i don’t think there is anything i can do to stop hating myself. there are several reasons why. i hate the way i look – i think i’m fucking ugly, i can’t make myself look nice to anyone i’m so boring, dull and plain. i hate my body at times because it is too unsightly. i hate my personality, just as dull and lifeless as my face. it is little wonder i’ve never been in any relationships. i hate the fact i’m scared of intimacy, i can’t say i love you, i can’t kiss anyone, i can hardly hug anyone, i can’t even write those things down without feeling like i’m doing something very wrong. its like everyone else can have a partner, and do all those things except me….if i do it i think i’m a whore or a slut and i start thinking ‘as if they really like me, they’re just using me’ i don’t believe in a good relationship, i don’t believe in true love. i hate the way i’m antisocial, i’ve got no one and i know that is my fault. i hate it how i’m unemployed, i bet people see right through me and know how pathetic i am. i hate my life although i shouldn’t. i’m lucky in a lot of ways but i can’t see it. but most of all i hate how i’m always depressed because that is what causes to feel this way. just a useless comment from a loser who’s got no life.

I wish i could feel happier about myself…sometimes i do and feel totally content but other times there is so much hatred i do anything to hurt and sabortage myself. I hate the fact i don’t look very nice, i hate my personality it is so dull, i hate my social skills, i hate my lack of determination, basically i hate everything that has gone wrong at the moment. i hate it because it never used to be like this…i suppose this isn’t the first story written here detailing stuff like this. i’m just so tired of always being depressed aroung people – i want to feel happy and like people actually want me around and i feel like part of the crowd. i want to have a better personality instead of one that is selfish and pathetic…as you may have gathered from this load of crap. i hate my body, i’m far too fat and i hate my face…all my flaws stand out and i look more like a troll. i hate everything about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck, i just want to be happy, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. i hate how depression has done this to me but i don’t know what to do…i hate talking to people…i hate trying things and have them not work…what is the fucking point. i wish i was dead.