personal

KENDRICK STYLE
Wrestlers: Brian Kendrick vs Shannon Moore

At the moment, Smackdown is my favourite WWE Wrestling brand. It has everything going for it, plenty of wrestling, cool feuds and all the big superstars. One person starting to make his mark is Brian Kendrick, former tag team partner of Paul London. He’s now gone his separate way, developed a new look and has a powerful bodyguard Ezekiel by his side. I rather like his new image, particularily the torn, bloody jacket he wears to the ring. He has a ‘i don’t care what anyone thinks of me…bring it on!’ look and is emphasising that with each match and his little speech after he defeated Shannon Moore. He also has some impressive moves that i haven’t seen before. As an opening match, it did the job in getting the crowd ready for bigger things to come.

SINGLES MATCH
Wrestlers: Vladimir Koslov vs Stevie Richards

Finally the have some music for this guy, although my bf thinks he was more imposing when he walked down to the ring in complete silence. I think it is like being rudely awaken when you were fast asleep, everything flows together nicely with music and fireworks and then he comes out and there’s nothing but the crowd either cheering or jeering. In any case, he is currently undefeated. Personally, i would like to see this guy in some better matches, his opponents (whom he is seeming to defeat easily) is providing little entertainment. Unfortunately my wrestling knowledge dosn’t allow me to give any proper opinion on this match because i’m not familiar with Stevie Richards. However, i think Vladimir Koslov needs to be taken up a knotch if the writers want us to believe this guy is genuinely unbeatable – put him against some real opposition.

NEW CHAMPS – TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS
Wrestlers: Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder vs Jesse & Festus

I am kind of tired of this ‘slight feud’ between these four men. It just doesn’t hold any weight to me. The current tag team champions have nothing to gain from fighting Jesse and Festus so i wonder what the point is really. The ‘taking advantage of Festus after the bell’ bully approach isn’t very entertaining either. Generally i’m unconvinced at the moment of Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryders’ ability, especially since they are the tag team champions. This match wasn’t in defence of their titles…it was about nothing. In the end Jesse and Festus ended up winning this match but where does it go from here? I hope some proper contenders are put forth in the next installment of Smackdown so the tag team champs will be able to properly defend their titles or show us what kind of abilities they have.

NEW CHAMPS – UNITED STATES CHAMPION
Wrestlers: Shelton Benjamin vs Jimmy Wang Yang

I enjoyed this match, being a fan of Shelton Benjamin and of Jimmy Wang Yang who is recently back from suspension. Despite having different wrestling styles – Shelton Benjamin having a more strong, powerful, domineering approach while Jimmy Wang Yang has a flexible, speedy, more high flying approach – both were able to put on a good performance that meshed their different styles together beautifully. Both are very good wrestlers but i had no doubt who would win this match. The Gold Standard, he’s got the gold and he’s now on a roll. As he put it perfectly after he defeated Jimmy Wang Yang – ‘ain’t no stopping him now!!’

DIVAS MATCH
Wrestlers: Michelle McCool vs Maryse

Cough, cough…what can i say. Hmmm…more like where to begin. Perfect break for stretching the legs but if you actually stayed to watch the match you’ll know this is nothing to brag about. Personally i don’t have the patience or stomach to watch this rubbish. Over done, extremely dramatic acting, poor moves and storyline (even though this has none) and very poor characters. Both women look like strippers and should go back to their previous careers of grinding against a pole instead of making me grind my teeth in annoyance. Anyway, apparently Michelle McCool won this match.

THE BATTLE ROYALE
Wrestlers: Big Show vs Jeff Hardy vs MVP vs Umaga vs Mr Kennedy vs The Great Khali

I found this match extremely entertaining. The majority of these wrestlers are some of the best in the business and can put on a great performance. This match was action packed, fast paced and left you on the edge of your seat wondering who the hell was going to win!!! The Big Show ploughed his way through his opponents, Jeff Hardy flew off the top ropes, MVP weaseled around picking up the vulnerable, Umaga caused damage only a human bulldozer can do, Mr Kennedy did just about every other move in his repertoire and The Great Khali just stood there looking pretty….something. By the end of this match it was between Jeff Hardy and The Great Khali but it seems the WWE isn’t ready to cut Jeff some slack since coming back from suspension which resulted in a win for The Great Khali. This is the biggest damper on the whole match. My bf thinks it has something to do with boosting sales or interest in India, i think that has a part to play in it as well but i doubt that is the whole story.

You see, the winner of this match goes on to face the WWE Champion who, ironically enough, is the attention loving ‘i’m the greatest’ Triple H. Does this ligitimately shock anyone? After the Great Khali won the match, out comes a wholly impressive Triple H, ever so slowly down the ring so we all know he’s there. He takes up a good five minutes just to walk from the stage the the bloody ring!!! Once there he muscles his impressive self right up to the Great Khali and has a glare match with him only ending when the Great Khali’s translator asks him to step back from the imposing Triple H.

Honestly, the Great Khali could knock him flying if he wanted to, he stands a good foot taller or so over the game and yet he’s supposed to be intimidated by a man who is smaller and older then him. I don’t think. The way i see it, this is just another way for Triple H to glorify himself. Oh look at me, the big bad amazing game defeated the Great Khali!!! Geez he must be the best. I will be very, very, VERY surprised if he loses his title to the Great Khali at Summerslam. Well done writing team – or should i say TRIPLE H!!! What a fucking amazing match this will be. Let me guess, it will look like your losing and then you’ll most incredibly pull it back at the last second. Shock horror!!! I don’t believe it – the Triple H formula again. You’re a good wrestler Triple H but you will NEVER be the best, your interferrence with your own matches has set that fact in concrete!!

A QUICK NOTE

I am absolutely LOVING this Hell in a Cell match between Edge and The Undertaker!!! I simply can’t wait for Summerslam!!! I love this Edge – Vicki Guerrero relationship, it now has some nice spice to it!! Bring this match ON!!!

PHILADELPHIA

FATAL FOUR-WAY
Wrestlers: Matt Hardy vs Finlay vs The Miz vs John Morrison

This was quite a good match, even though i had a fair idea who would end up winning the match. I’m glad to see that Finlay is wrestling on his own at the moment, i’ve stated previously that i preferred it better when it was just him wrestling and Hornswoggle entertaining the crowd. I was rather intrigued to see how The Miz and John Morrison would go competing against one another after being in a tag team for all that time. My bf believed that they would be working together, and of course he was right. Despite they were meant to be opponents, they worked together for the majority of the match but this tag team effort would lead to their downfall in securing the win. John Morrison did manage to distract The Miz for a short time while attempting a pin. They still work very well together, and it will be interesting to see how they go when they eventually go their separate ways. However, there was little doubt in my mind who was going to be victorious. Matt Hardy is by far the crowd favourite, and my bf believed he would be getting a push toward the ECW Championship after he lost the United States Championship to Shelton Benjamin. I agreed with him; and now that he has won it, i hope to see him victorious over the current and unconvincing ECW Champion Mark Henry.

REVENGE FOR BETRAYAL
Wrestlers: Tommy Dreamer vs Colin Delaney

ECW also presented the new Championship title. A definite improvement on the old title that was hiddeously ugly with the red vinyl writing. This new title at least has a little more class to it and looks like something you wouldn’t be ashamed of walking out into the ring with. During this time there was a block of talking about Colin Delaney’s betrayal by deliberately interferring halfway through a move Tommy Dreamer was about to execute on Mark Henry. I think this is a very cool twist of events, the seemingly innocent, big-hearted Colin Delaney turning on his mentor who happened to be the only person who believed in him. As it turns out a revenge match had been scheduled and took place before Colin could finish pledging his aliance to Mark Henry.

This match didn’t last that long, and the quality of wrestling wasn’t very good. Colin is not physically wrestling material, he can pull off some moves but he lacks physical strength and cannot absorb the impact he receives from being roughed up. Tommy Dreamer is a better wrestler, but while wrestling against such a weak opponent, he looks as if the only damage he can cause is to people who are physically poor. This does nothing to improve his position as a wrestler. Even though i have enjoyed this unexpected turn, i would enjoy it a lot better if it was between two wrestlers who can put on a better performance.

HIGH FLYING IMPACT
Wrestlers: Evan Bourne vs James Curtis

In recent weeks i have rather enjoyed watching Evan Bourne plough his way through the competition. Last week he defeated Chavo Guerrero, and this week he faced James Curtis. I don’t know much about James Curtis, but his wrestling style hasn’t really left much of an imprint in my mind. He doesn’t really stand out, while Evan Bourne certainly does. He is quick, flexible and has a number of cool moves including his finisher. He’s a rising star, and is currently undefeated. Both wrestlers did well during the match, and i enjoyed seeing Evan Bourne come out victorious despite Chavo and Bam Neely’s attempts to sabotage the match. Hopefully in the future Evan Bourne will become a more central part of ECW wrestling and be giving a part (storyline) to play so we can see more of what he is capable of.

RAW

BURCHILL BRUTALITY
Wrestlers: Kofi Kingston & Mickie James vs Paul & Katie Lea Burchill

It is interesting to see that Raw has combined women’s and men’s wrestling with these four contenders. I’m not entirely sure what the point behind this is or where this is going. Kofi is the current Intercontinental Champion and Mickie James is the Women’s Champion. I can only assume that Paul and Katie Lea Burchill want the titles respectively, but why make them all fight one another in a tag team like match. Kofi Kingston has shown promising talent with his great flexibility, swiftness and clever manoeuvers. Mickie James is a reasonably good women’s wrestler, one of very few. She can wrestle properly and deserves her title. However, the Burchills are nothing special to me. Neither of them have entered Raw with anything special or outstanding, something that sets them apart from all the rest. Paul is tall and strong but lacks any good moves and Katie Lea suffers from the same problem. In this match it saw the Burchills victorious when Paul managed to pin Kofi. This sort of ‘feud’ doesn’t interest me. There is no logical reason behind it and hasn’t got a storyline to follow along with.

TAINTED LOVE
Wrestlers: Santino Marella vs D-Lo Brown

I feel sorry for Santino Marella. At the moment all his matches seem to end with him losing in a ridiculous fashion, even though the odds are he would have won. For instance, his match against Beth Phoenix last week. While she is a strong woman she isn’t that powerful in comparison to a male wrestler. I’m not trying to put down women but lets be honest, the only woman who could convincingly ‘stick it to the men’ was Chyna. However, D-Lo Brown made a great return, someone my bf was rather excited about and someone i have sadly never heard of. I don’t know much about D-Lo Brown so i can’t say much about him in either the positive or negative direction. This match was fairly good for a beginning match and resulted with D-Lo Brown defeating Santino Marella. Hopefully though Santino will get some more serious matches that don’t always end with him losing.

On another note, Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella forming a partnership. I’m not into romance as such but how ironic. He believes women should stay at home in the kitchen, she defeated him the previous week, they ‘apparently’ don’t like each other and yet they were smooching straight after this match. No idea what Raw is doing here but it might be interesting.

DIVAS MATCH
Wrestlers: Beth Phoenix vs Kelly Kelly

Not much to say about this as i don’t like women’s wrestling much. I’m glad they got them out of the way nice and early though, i hate it when the drag out so long right before the main event and all you want to see is the real action. Anyway, Kelly Kelly, another stick insect in the so called ‘women’s wrestling’ corner was defeated by a much larger and stronger Beth Phoenix. Fair call i say. Bring out the real women’s wrestlers, these women suck!!

TRUE LIES
Wrestlers: Lance Cade vs Paul London

Lance Cade is showcasing his talent finally, instead of being a docile sidekick to Chris Jerico. I was interested to see his wrestling style and find it fairly solid. Paul London is also a fairly good wrestler but one thing he lacks in comparison to he ex-tag team partner Brian Kendrick is character. I don’t know whether its because Raw haven’t given him a part to play or he isn’t making a mark in the industry. It ended with Lance Cade defeating Paul London. There was a very large block of talking that followed with footage of the Chris Jerico vs Shawn Michaels match. More blaming the audience for Michaels condition (that he wrestled at The Great American Bash just to please them) and how Chris Jerico is really the great one. I like this feud but TOO MUCH TALKING!! Tone it down a little bit, i get it already.

SIX-MAN REMATCH
Wrestlers: John Cena & Cryme Tyme vs JBL & Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes

I have to admit any match with John Cena in it and i just groan. I think i made it obvious my dislikes about him. I knew straight away that this match was the amazing ‘John Cena’s amazing defeat over JBL despite the odds’ kind of match. And i wasn’t wrong it turns out. However to the wrestling: Cryme Tyme have shown that they have some really good moves and work well together as a tag team. I would like to see them a little more involved in wrestling and perhaps become contenders for the Tag Team Championship in the future. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase are quite good together too but i need to see them in more matches where they can really show what they are capable of. JBL is always a strong performer but in this match he does a runner to escape from ‘the amazing John Cena’ who goes on to pin Cody Rhodes after he leaves.

BIG RED MONSTER MASH
Wrestlers: C M Punk vs Batista

I found this match rather entertaining with plenty of action and interruptions. The match hadn’t started yet and Kane comes running out and attached Batista. I’m dying to find out what’s happening with Kane, i know he’s becoming the bad guy but what about…it has me intrigued!!! Still, the match continued with C M Punk and Batista once again putting on a good performance. However, the match ended in DQ when JBL interrupted the match, angry that Batista was having another shot at the World Heavy Weight title. While Batista was battling JBL, John Cena also came running out to try and bring JBL down once and for all. In a turn of events, John Cena ended up knocking Batista down, setting up a new feud. From this my guess is that Batista and John Cena will start battling each other and JBL will be left to fight for the World Heavy Weight title with C M Punk but only the next few weeks of Raw will reveal what will happen. Whether it will be a four-way or a singles match for the title at Summerslam.

We decided to get the pay per view – the matches seemed too good to pass by, and after watching it yesterday i believe it was well worth it!! Sure the set up (stage, etc) wasn’t as good as other pay per views, and the wrestling fans of Long Island seemed pretty poor, i absolutely LOVED the show!! It gets a B+ mark overall from me!!

1st match – WWE Tag Team Championship
Wrestlers: John Morrison & The Miz vs Finlay & Hornswoggle vs Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder vs Jesse & Festus

This was a really good opening match, quite enjoyable. My tip for this match was John Morrison & The Miz, whereas my bf’s was Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder. It was hard to know who was going to win. I thought John Morrison and The Miz would retain the titles until Summerslam because its a bigger pay per view. However, i wasn’t entirely surprised that they lost it – the dilemma i had was who to! I doubted Jesse & Festus would win it, they aren’t huge crowd favourites and they aren’t in any major fueds. I didn’t think Finlay & Hornswoggle would do it either, they have had many shots at the title before and had never won it – although i had thought they could win it in a classic ‘underdog’ scenario. As for Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder, i’m not huge fans of the guys, they haven’t done much wrestling thats impressed me much but they would have been my next pick under John Morrison & The Miz. As it turns out, they did win the titles, which i’m glad about really. Score 1 for my bf!

I am getting a little tired of the Finlay & Hornswoggle tag team personally. The crowd seems to love it, but i find it just too unbelievable that Hornswoggle is pulling off these moves. Even if some things wrestlers do occasionally are a little unbelievable they aren’t that far fetched that you stop and think ‘that just looks silly’. Hornswoggle has plenty of character and people love him for it, me included, but i just find it utterly rediculous that he is flipping people over and performing complex stunts. I liked it better when Finlay was wrestling on his own.

2nd match – United States Championship
Wrestlers: Matt Hardy vs Shelton Benjamin

In this match i was really backing the gold standard!! He’s a rig and deserves more recognition. His performance is solid, he’s very fit and he’s a good character. I tipped him to win this match while my bf tipped Matt Hardy. I wasn’t entirely sure who would win, i tipped Shelton Benjamin because i wanted him to win and thought it was his time to shine. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Matt Hardy had won but i hoped he didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, i’m a Hardy boys fan like so many other people, but he’s held on to that title long enough. My bf predicts he’ll be getting a push toward the ECW title direction now. I thought this was a very good match, definitely one of my favourites!! I’m especially glad that Shelton Benjamin came out victorious after all. Score 1 for me!!

3rd match – ECW Championship
Wrestlers: Mark Henry vs Tommy Dreamer

This was not a crowd pleaser and i couldn’t blame the Long Island fans for beginning the chant ‘you can’t wrestler’. Out of all the matches, i thought this one was definitely a stinker. Both my bf and i predicted Mark Henry to retain the title. I felt that he would hold on to it for a little longer, probably until a more major pay per view comes up where he might lose it. Possibly Summerslam, i hope. Tommy Dreamer just doesn’t have what it takes you could say in terms of getting a title. Personally i don’t mind him but i just couldn’t see him winning the title in an ‘underdog’ sort of fashion. As for the actual wrestling that occurred, like i said before it stinked. Neither of them are brilliant wrestlers but Tommy Dreamer has to carry Mark Henry so much. Mark Henry may have been the world’s strongest man but i doubt he is now (although i’m sure he is pretty strong). However, check out his physic. He’s more fat then he is muscle, you want muscle then the gold standard is your man. He’s a big, bumbling, slow mess in the ring. Not to be racist, but he looks like a big gorilla. He spent most of his time PUSHING Tommy Dreamer around rather then actually wrestling him. Overall not a great match. Score 2 for my bf and i.

4th match – Pinfall Singles Match
Wrestlers: Shawn Michaels (HBK) vs Chris Jerico

This match was quite possibly my favourite. Both of these men put on a great performance with high quality wrestling and some eye catching moves. I love this particular feud, the previously good-guy image of Chris Jerico has been tarnished by his blazing hatred of Shawn Michael’s ability to be a crowd favourite despite the fact he lies, turns on people, cheats, etc. I tipped Shawn Michaels to win, while my bf chose Chris Jerico. My thoughts were that Shawn Michaels would get a little revenge back after Chris Jerico smashed his head through a tv. But having said that i’m glad it didn’t end that way, it would have been a lame ending and i enjoy the feud too much to want it to end so abruptly. I have a confession to make – i enjoy the brutal matches which end in blood. This match was one of those. Of course i don’t want the wrestlers to be seriously injured but in wrestling you would expect a little bit of blood now and then. At first i thought it was just fake blood, but as the match continued i noticed it was clotting in dark clumps on his face and kept flowing. No fake blood does that, plus it was on his head, not really a place to stick a blood capsule or whatever they use. He lost quite a bit of blood too. A brilliant performance put on by two very great wrestlers, especially by Chris Jerico. He plays a good bad guy! Score 3 for my bf!!

One thing i hate is how they’ve toned down wrestling so much now so children can watch it. I’m sick to death of everything being tailored to children. They may be the biggest consumers of WWE merchandise but at least have a couple of matches later on in the night that adults can watch without worrying if their children are going to get nightmares over what they see or become violent. At the end of the day should children really be watching something so violent? Do they really understand what is going on? What happened to cartoons? They are entertaining and are specifically aimed at children with an appropriate storyline to go with it. I don’t see how the rated R superstars storylines are aimed a children…

5th match – Divas Championship
Wrestlers: Natalya vs Michelle McCool

This was another match that stunk of crap! I am not a huge fan of women’s wrestling. I view them as the appropriate time to get a drink, make something to eat, stretch the legs and maybe go to the toilet. The quality of women’s wrestling is extremely poor, with weak storylines and basically none of these women have any character at all. However, both my bf and i tipped Natalya to win. She comes from a wrestling background and has received good training. She may not be overly tall but in terms of physical strength, she is the stronger out of her and Michelle McCool. I have to admire the amazing flexibility of the women’s wrestlers but i find them weak in strength and in acting where they drag it out too long and it becomes frustrating to watch. I was extremely disappointed that the title went to Michelle McCool. She is one such wrestler who i felt didn’t deserve this title. She is as thin as a rake, i could snap her over my knee for christ sake!! Her moves are dismal and dull, whereas Natalya can actual wrestle and has some great moves. I hate the fact that most female wrestlers look like they came directly from a strip bar or off the streets from their prostitution rounds (which many probably have). They are nothing more then eye candy, and i find this very demeanering and wrong. The best woman wrestler was definitely Chyna, aim for female wrestlers like her…someone who can mix it with the men and you’ve got quality women’s wrestling again. Michelle McCool, more like Michelle McFool!! Score 0 for my bf and i.

6th match – World Heavy Weight Championship
Wrestlers: C M Punk vs Batista

This match was very hard to pick a winner for. Both my bf and i tipped Batista to win. I thought it was Batista’s turn to hold on to the title, especially since he had been cheated out of its possession in Smackdown. However my bf raised a valid point, if they did it that way it would make C M Punk look like a weak champion. Still, i decided to stick by my prediction as did he. I thought this was a pretty solid match with some good wrestling and tactics. C M Punk’s tactic to overcome an opponent taller and stronger then him was to aim for Batista’s legs. Weaken them and he couldn’t perform many of his biggest moves, thus giving him a fighting chance of retaining the title. I like both C M Punk and Batista (both men received a roaring welcome at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre in June), so i wasn’t particularly fussed who won the title. If C M Punk kept it he would probably end up defending it against John Cena or JBL at Summerslam…if Batista won it he would end up defending it against the same people. I didn’t expect the match to end in DQ but i found it a fairly cool ending. Kane came running out and interrupted the match, stuffing up both Batista and C M Punk as well as some unfortunate camera man. I’m glad they’re finally doing something with Kane, he’s been sculking in the backgrounds for too long doing nothing. I find his character interesting and am looking forward to seeing what they plan to do with him. I’m also glad that C M Punk kept the title, his opponents at Summerslam will be all new rivalries – not some recycled material at the bottom of the ‘done already’ barrel that would have been Batista defending it against John Cena or JBL. Score 0 for my bf and i.

7th match – Parking Lot Brawl
Wrestlers: John Cena vs JBL

This match was filmed the day before the pay per view so John Cena and JBL had it fairly easy. This was a slightly difficult match to predict a winner for but both my bf and i tipped JBL in the end. My reasoning was that in this case the bad guy will be victorious. I rather enjoyed this match. I found it different and enjoyed the brutality it showed, without both wrestlers getting more then a little scratched at the end of it. John Cena attached a pair of jumper leads to JBL’s groin and a car battery, JBL set a car on fire while John Cena was in it, and John Cena smashed into a car JBL was in with a forklift. He then picked the car up with the forklift and proceeded out to the arena (or that was where the taping ended – John Cena simply drove the forklift out from behind the stage with the car and everything prearranged). The set up and make up involved in making it look like one flowing scene was done very well, i couldn’t tell at first that it had been taped (what gave it away was the fact they were in an underground carpark and somehow managed to drive directly from there into the arena). I thought at one stage John Cena was going to win but i was very happy when JBL threw him into a car windscreen. If you want action entertainment, this match provided it. Score 4 for my bf and 3 for me!

The other reason why i tipped JBL is because i’m just not a John Cena fan. He don’t know how to wrestle. In other matches he’s been in i’ve seen him do COUNTLESS clotheslines on his opponents, with one or two moves he knows and then his finisher. Other then that he knows NOTHING else!! Its pretty poor for a wrestler in his position. I dislike his character too. I find his acting over done at the best of times with too much marchoism for my liking. When he comes out from the entrance he does the stupidest salute, probably in honour of his recent movie where he played a marine. In any case he’s not in the army, he’s a wrestler and not a very bloody good one. His finisher is also very stupid, with the you can’t see me move followed by the F U. The you can’t see me move is just him waving his hand in front of his opponent’s face (which i find extremely irritating and childish – the ‘nah nah nah nah nah’ chant comes to mind when i think of his you can’t see me move) followed by him doing some weird movements with his arms then a punch to the top of the head. I mean seriously!!! How does this finisher measure up against The Undertakers tombstone pile driver, Batista’s bomb or The Texas Rattlesnakes stunner??? Compared to those moves i fail to see how a single punch to the head is going to keep anyone down long enough for you to execute the F U!! He might have the body of a wrestler but he has a poor repertoire of moves!! He needs to go back to the drawing board and revamp his wrestling before i will take him seriously.

8th match – WWE Championship
Wrestlers: Triple H vs Edge

And finally the main event which i didn’t consider worthy of being the main event. In this match both my bf and i tipped Triple H to win. Why? The reason is simply this – Triple H is married to Vince McMahons daughter Stephani, so he’s pretty cosy with the boss, which enables him to have his say about what happens with his, uh, career. Basically, he’s writing his own script. He thinks very highly of himself as the best of the best – this couldn’t be more evident in a recent DVD release on ‘The Game: The King of Kings’. Don’t get me wrong, i think he’s a good wrestler and definitely a rig. Years back when he had that terrible leg injury, he still continued that match right to the very end and he would have been in intense pain. That i can admire him for, but notice how he is wrestling less and less these days. Leading up to this pay per view, the only time i saw him was when he popped his little head out to destroy Edge and Vicki’s relationship with his taped video footage of Edge cheating on Vicki. Other than that, nothing else!! If he’s such a god damn good wrestler i would expect to see him in other matches – also considering every other wrestler had to defend THEIR titles, yet i struggle to remember when he’s defended his. I find any match against him far too predictable, there is no opening for speculation, you already know who’s going to win because he drums in the fact he’s won the WWE Championship title a record times. By the end of his career he’ll have won it more times then anyone else in the WWE industry, and not because he’s ‘the king of kings’ as he claims, but because i wrote his own script. He’ll ensure his ‘legacy’ stands before he leaves so we can all remember him as being the best in the business.

So why did this match fail to impress me. Edge put on a solid performance, as did Triple H. The answer is simply that it is too sterile. I’ve seen many a triumphant Triple H victories already, where he looks like he’s going to lose and then heroically and most spectacularly pulls it back at the last second. I found that the action that took place in the ring was far too toned down to be considered the main event and its because of the Triple H formula. Edge has shown he’s destined for great things, he’s a great performer, can cause a stir in the crowd, has a fantastic character that you can either really love or hate and is a great wrestler. Despite all this i knew he wouldn’t win the title…although i had hoped. Triple H has taken so much of a back seat approach that i don’t even know where the hell he stands in the WWE. He’s in no feuds, has no rivals or contenders to speak of and apparently doesn’t have any bloody weaknesses either. This slight feud between him and Edge could escalate into something more but then again it might not, it could go either way. I know if it was his way (and i imagine it is all the time) he won’t be doing any heavy duty work with anyone, so i would be very surprised if this slight feud with Edge continues…but i hope it does because Edge would look great with that title around his waist. Score 5 for my bf and 4 for me!!

I have been feeling extremely bad again. Very depressed and scared that bad things are going to happen. I don’t know why but its really spoiling my days. It was my 20th birthday on the 14th, and while my bf had organised a great day out for me, i was still sad underneath it. Everything he arranged kept me amused for ages though, so i didn’t think about those things much but now that its over i feel miserable.

Last night i couldn’t even sleep, i had to turn the light on and read for about an hour before i could fall asleep (with the light on). It makes me feel physically ill as well, like i’m going to throw up or something. I had been doing really well for a while but i’ve decided that tomorrow i’ll have to go back to the doctor and get my prescriptions refilled.

I haven’t been on zoloft or lithium for a couple of months now – originally because i couldn’t afford it, but now our living conditions have changed and i’m receiving an ‘income’ of some sort. I’m not spending anymore time feeling like this then i have to. I predict tonight will be another sleepless night. Although i was given an ipod by my bf, so if i find that is the case i’ll be able to watch something off of there.

And i’ve let him know how i feel and he’s supportive – as usual!
^ _ ^ Don’t know where i’d be without him. I just hate feeling frightened. Now that i’m the happiest i’ve been for a very long time, i’m frightened something bad is going to happen to take it away – specifically something will happen to my bf. I couldn’t cope with that – i’d go insane. I don’t care how many people have lost love ones and have managed to soldier on, i’m not like that. I barely kept my sanity without having someone who gives me so much happiness and love.

I just want this feeling to go away so i can start living again. Next week i go back to uni so i need to be able to cope by then. Or at least have improved.

Well i am starting to get a cold. I woke up sometime this morning when it was still dark and could feel that familiar scratchy feeling just behind my sinuses that signifies a coming illness. I’m not impressed, chances are i caught it from my bf!!! Revenge is needed i think!!! I don’t think it’ll be as bad as his though. Nearly every cold i get presents with the same symptoms: infection of the nasal passage (which may or may not spread down to the throat), headaches (ranging from mild to really bad but nothing serious) and a mild fever…as well as just generally feeling unwell.

But i’m determined to knock this on the head. I took a whole heap of panadol this morning to lower any fever i might develop and keep the pain of headaches and the sore nasal passage at bay. I’m also going to gargle heaps of listerine and drink plenty of water (as recommended by health professionals) to get the bastard virus out of my system. It is sooooo not welcome!!!

But there is not way this little cold is stopping my daily walk. I’ve finally started walking, not to lose weight, just to maintain weight and improve my physical fitness. I got for decent walks too, about an hour at a time walking my normal pace. It is really quite peaceful, and the weather is very pleasant for walking. For the past couple of days i’ve walked around the lake near Kawana Island but i think today i’ll walk along the foreshore at Mooloolaba instead. Just for something different. My bf said he’d come with me but i don’t know if he’s quite up to it yet, he’s still recovering from his nasty flu.

I enjoy these walks though. I feel better physically for doing them and i don’t feel as though i am hoarding kilojoules this way. Exams are all finished. The first one i did i feel i went alright in but admittedly i found it difficult to study for. I’m used to studying for subjects like physics, maths, chemistry and biology. This class was a more…..written subject rather then a subject that presents you with figures, equations, theories, principles, etc. But i don’t think i failed the subject. My guess is a did average, and even if i didn’t do as well as i hope i still got really good marks during the semester which will make up for it.

My other subject i did well at though. It is the kind of subject i’m used to studying for seeing as it is bioscience. I have a good feeling about that one and expect to get an average mark for it too. Thats all i hope for, just to get an average mark and i’ll be happy. I’m not going to beat myself up over not getting the highest damn mark in the class because its just too stressful. My birthday is also coming up. I turning 20!!! Nah, i’m not that fussed. Its just another day to me. I don’t expect anything, just a happy birthday is all that matters to me.

Anyway, enough crap.

I am extremely suicidal right now!!! I feel like shit and just want to get the fuck out of here and be where nobody knows who the fuck i am!!! I wasn’t feeling very happy to begin with but now i just feel like rot. Since moving in with my bf’s dad, things have been alright. I mean, environmentally things have been fantastic but everything else has been iffy. They have been getting on well and i have no difficulties with his father. But unfortunately my bf’s weakness is that he isn’t well known for cleaning up after himself. By that i mean he doesn’t do his dishes often or anything like that. He has helped make dinner a few times since moving here but maybe my view of this is all wrong.

Anyway, his dad is really pissed off with him at the moment because he hasn’t been cleaning the dishes or helping cook meals as often as he would like to make up for it. And he’s getting tired of him making jokes about…stuff all the time. Anyway, he’s basically said if he fucks up one more time then we’re out of here. I don’t think he has a problem with me but i still feel like crap. It isn’t the thought of having to move back in that room that’s making me feel like this either. I couldn’t care less, i doubt whether we’d ever move back in there, i think we’d just live in the car instead. What’s making me sad is that i just feel completely useless.

I mean, i’ve been washing the dishes everyday. I always pick up after us and make sure things are clean and tidy as best as i fucking can but when i over heard that conversation it was like someone had stabbed me. Because i don’t feel as though i’m doing enough here. I feel like i should be doing more. When i lived with my parents i used to pay $60 a week for board, vacuum and mop the floors, dust the furniture in all the public areas, clean the bathroom, clean the toilet, help with the washing and do the dishes. Doing the dishes is FUCK ALL WORK REALLY!!! At home i did those things because it was expected of me to. My mum worked full time i only worked as a casual. My sister and stepbrothers would do their jobs on the weekend when they weren’t obviously at school but they would always help with the dishes otherwise.

I did those things and i felt like i was actually DOING SOMETHING!!! Whereas i do FUCKING NOTHING HERE and feel PATHETIC!!! The funny thing is i don’t blame my bf for anything or even his dad for being annoyed at…whoever…i blame everything on myself. I think its because of the way he spoke to my bf. It was a very toned down but similar way in which my mother used to talk to me. Whenever i hear specific words (in this case piss off, pissed of and fucking) i end up feeling like shit. I can’t stand it i just want to grab a gun and shoot my fucking brains out. I would rather die on the streets then annoy anyone because we’re too lazy. We deserve to live in that room if we can’t do better.

I just want to be by myself in a place where nobody knows who i am or where i’m from. I just want to be there for a while so i can get away. I don’t think any of those things were directed toward me but i can’t help but feeling bad. I hate living in other peoples houses. I hate not being able to afford to live by ourselves, i hate it how i’ve been so unsuccessful in getting ANY job – cleaning, working in a supermarket, working any fucking were!!!!! All i want is to get a fucking job so i can move out of here, get our own place and start doing things differently. I’ve had enough.

Yesterday was a good day for one reason!!! I got a really good result on my essay i handed in early this month!!! In fact i’m extremely happy with how my marks have gone so far….apart from the third subject where no marks have been loaded up on the system yet so i have no idea how well i’m doing in there yet.

By with my Bioscience class i have a: Cr+ or credit + for my first ever assignment, which is good seeing as nobody is really in the flow of university yet; and a HD or high distinction for my first test.

For the Professional Studies class i have a: HD for my mathematics exam and a DN+ or distinction + for my assignment, which a lot of people didn’t do so well in apparently.

I hope my marks for my Health, Culture and Society class are going just as well but i don’t have an exam for that class so even if i get Credits for it i’ll be happy. One thing i have learnt is not to be too hard on myself when i don’t get a perfect result each and every time. The last time i did that was in high school and it used to make me ill. Now i just put as much effort into everything as i can and if i get a really good mark, sure it makes me feel good, but i don’t place pressure on myself to ensure i ALWAYS get that mark. That just creates more stress then you really need.

But i’m really happy. I never expected to do this well so it makes going to uni a lot more worthwhile. With my depression throughout my later high school years, which greatly affected my concentration, motivation, etc. I didn’t do so well, and getting into uni was the only thing i really wanted to do in my life. You have to do 5 university classes in grade 12 in order to get in and in the last year i ended up dropping one and failing my maths exam. I blocked the emotions i felt when i realised i wouldn’t be getting into uni. But it really has affected me quite a lot.

I believed i was stupid and a failure, and being rejected twice from a lower educational facility didn’t help either. I had no drive, no idea what to do next, no thought about where i was going or what i was going to do in my life because getting into uni and more importantly, getting into medicine was the only thing i had ever wanted. But now i’m in and i feel a lot more content with the way things are going at the moment. I still have really bad depression days, i get a bit violent and angry (which i’ll definitely have to do something about – go back on medication for one thing) but yeah…. And i have my bf who i love immensely, and of course my family (don’t really have any friends here but it doesn’t matter). And of course, if you are reading this George, i always had you!!! And i do appreciate all the support you’ve offered!!! I know the last few posts i’ve written have been negative but you’ll have to forgive me of that, i don’t really know what i’m doing much when i get badly depressed so i’m sorry.

Anyway, enough dribble. I’m just glad things are going good at the moment!

I think there is something wrong with me, seriously there is something wrong with the mental wiring of my brain. I can’t understand this but the feelings i have toward this subject are extremely intense to the point that even i can admit that its stupid. I am stupidly intense about this topic and get absolutely furious whenever anyone talks about it.

Its about children, pregnancy, etc. I can’t stand even the concept of it!! It makes me so mad i could smash things. This is why i think there is something wrong with me. Of course its perfectly ok for any individual man or woman to not want to have a child for whatever reason – but to feel so strongly about it as i do can’t be healthy. No matter what i try to convince myself i just end up getting so furious!

I’m a selfish person you could say, and i wouldn’t argue with you. But i believe this my be part of my lingering obsessive nature towards control, especially my negative image of myself body wise. Right now i weigh about 55kg and i’m only 5 foot 5 inches tall. My BMI is considered perfect, however on the lower end of the scale. Still, i hate my body and would like to be just 50kg, and damn i’m going to do everything fucking thing in the book to get there. I perceive myself as hideous and it makes me so angry…and sad.

This is the first reason why i don’t want to have children. I couldn’t stand being pregnant. The thought of putting on weight (even though i looked this up and (if you eat the right foods, etc) the majority of the extra weight you carry around is the baby, the fluid, etc) drives me insane. I couldn’t stand seeing myself turning into this huge, fat, ugly piece of shit!!! I’d start starving myself, exercising to the extreme, etc!! I’d do all those things even if it would hurt or even kill my child. And the spastic thing about the way my brain is wired about this at the moment is that i hate the baby for this. I hate the fact that is what happens and i hate the baby most of all.

I can’t stand the thought of getting stretch marks and carrying around any ‘baby weight’ after its born. I can’t stand the thought of my body never getting back into the condition it was in before, nor the idea that as you get older women who’ve had children tend to get fat arses!!! I’d look at myself and forget the poor child and hate myself intensely.

I also can’t stand children once their born. The screaming and crying that is part and parcel with having them. I can admit that a baby smiling is cute, and i always find their little feet adorable, but i’ve been in the presence of babies many a time and just find that apart from those things i find absolutely no emotional interest in them at all. I can look at a puppy or a kitten and turn to mush, goo and gah over them and make a huge fuss – wishing that i had the money and the right home for them – but i never feel that way towards babies, no matter how ‘cute’ everyone says they are.

I feel extremely awkward around them and their crying and screaming agitates me. It always has, even when my sister was just a baby. I remember mum telling me i’d climbed into the cot with her and started bashing her because she was crying. I had an intense hatred toward my sister at that time and it took a long time for me to get over that. It was only when we were both a lot older that i began to feel like i could have fun with her. But even now i find it hard to say i love you and hug her, but i can honestly say i do enjoy spending time with her.

A couple i know right now are having a child, although they are basically the same age as me. They’re happy and i wish i could feel happy for them but my fucked up brain doesn’t allow me to do that. Instead i get angry and frustrated, and extremely depressed the moment they start talking about pregnancy or their baby. I never talk to them about it, when they start talking about it i just walk away. I ended up leaving the club we were having dinner at in order to get away from the fucking conversation. It made me so MAD and depressed and i don’t understand why.

Now the obvious thing for me to do is just get over it and i seriously want to. I’ve tried!!! I’m not anti-babies!! I don’t want to murder all babies or anything that extreme and i certainly don’t hate everyone who has babies, thats their right. I just can’t stand people talking about it, i don’ even let my bf talk about children in any way shape or form – geez i’m fucked and i know anyone who happens across this will agree with me. I am stupid, i am a moron and probably selfish too. But i can’t help how i feel, i’ve tried thinking about it positively – like how much fun you’ll have when they get older and you can take them places, etc. but i just can’t seem to get over it like i fucking want to!!!!!!

I’m tired of this stupid shit and i’m tired of feeling such hatred for something i don’t understand! I can’t for the life of me even figure out why i’m so fucked about this!! I’m completely confused. Why am i concerned about this??? Because my bf wants to have children, and even though he knows how strongly i feel about it and has agreed that if i don’t want to have any we won’t have to, i can see that he is disappointed. And i love him to bits and don’t want to lose him for something so stupid. If i had a logical explaination here to back up my feelings then perhaps i’d be less concerned, but i don’t.

Right now i’m looking up sterilisation methods, or at least something that will prevent me from getting pregnant until i’m old enough to get sterilisation. Will my attitude change one day…i can’t honestly say. Maybe it will and maybe these insane feelings will only get worse. One thing i know i DO want is that if i did have a child/ren, i would want to give them the best care i can without being like this. I would never hurt a child, even if a gun was at my head. My feelings are only toward me having children mostly.

I want to get help but how the fuck do you even start with something as stupid as this. I don’t know anyone who feels these stupid things, i doubt anyone even understands (not that i blame them for not wanting to and calling me a freak). I’m just tired of this old bitterness. Once that couple have their baby, i will not be going out with them or the other people we hang around again. I wish i had a gun, people like me should be shot. There is no place for someone who feels like this and can’t make sense of it. Freaks like me should be gassed…

Man i feel good!!!! WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we watched a pay-per-view for Wrestlemania 24!!!! It was very awesome, and best of all i actually know where the storyline is up to right now. Depending on what matches are on in the upcoming Backlash, we may or may not get that p-p-v. Still, i actually know what is happening right now.

I’m on holidays from university at the moment. I’ll be using the rest of this time studying my subjects and getting ahead. Hopefully get some basica outlines for my assignments underway or at least chose a topic so that i can start collecting information around it when i go back to uni.

The only concern i have for this is that in the past i’ve put too much pressure on myself to perform extremely high all the time. In the past, also, this has done me no favours except make me extremely disappointed when i don’t perform to that standard. I really need someone to tell me ‘its ok to get a credit’. After all, all you need to get for each assignment is a Pass grade in order to complete your degree.

So, what else is happening. I’m still looking for work but i’ve stepped up my search. I’ve got some newspaper cuttings, a page or more of available jobs off the internet…i’m going to refresh my resume (i think it is plain and boring) and refresh my application at Woolworths. I’m still positive i’ll get a job soon enough. Fingers crossed here.

This year i plan to go home to South Australia for Christmas. I spent last Christmas with my bf’s family so now i think its my turn to go home. He said he’d go with me so thats cool. Hopefully i’ll have enough money by them to buy presents for everyone, even if its just a little something – not terribly expensive but still useful.

We have bought tickets to go see Smackdown and ECW (i think) in Brisbane when they come here. We have fairly good seats, up in the stands but right out the front with a view that will allow you to see them in the ring and as they come out. It was also the most affordable ones we could get at the time. In any case, we are very happy with them so that’s something to look forward to in June this year.

Hopefully this shit with Centrelink will be over. Haven’t got a call from them yet but they may not call at all if everything is ok. I doubt whether i got paid but when my keycard for my new account comes, i’ll still give it a shot and see. If not this week then next week both my bf and i will get paid. It will be great!! For the first time we’ll be able to buy enough food and fuel for two weeks. I’ll be able to start buying my uni books, we can pay off the up coming car registration!!!! I’m really excited about this!!!!! We may even be able to start paying of my bf’s father in small amounts each fortnight for all the money we owe him.

Combined wtih a job, we’ll soon be looking at a unit or flat, much better than this carport that’s for sure. I hope this happens before winter though, cause if it rains a lot here then we’ll get flooded out all the time. And also this room has no insulation or heating and there is a window here that only has flyscreen over it so it’ll get fucking cold in here. The air is already starting to get a bit nippy now that it is Autumn. Fingers crossed.

My dad may be coming up here for his birthday. Well, to Brisbane actually. It isn’t finalised but if it does, then i’ll be able to catch up with him and his partner. If its in the holidays then my sister will be coming up too. They said they’ll rent out a room in the hotel they’re staying at so we can spend more time with them while they are staying here. We’ll have to make a note to start scrimping and saving so we can take my sister to Movie World if they come here. It has changed a lot since we went there when we were little and i know she’d really like that. Also a hotel room would be absolutely bang on in terms of luxury – although a 1 star room would be a luxury to us. Lol!!!

If we also get a job we will be able to go out now and then as a treat!!! I’m excited about this the most because we get so bored all the time. Just to a restaurant maybe once a fortnight or whenever we can afford it. I think, if we can afford to next week (although we probably will go out regardless just to celebrate the ending shit with Centrelink) we will be going out with some friends to an Indian restaurant!!! I can’t wait. I’m basically bouncing off my seat at the moment.

Be able to buy some new clothes. I’ve noticed our clothes are starting to look a little tacky. A new t-shirt or jumper and a new pair of jeans at some stage would be good. And also, we can afford to get a haircut at some stage, just a trim. But yeah, getting a unit would be SO GREAT!!! We’ll be able to get away from the mossies – particularly seeing as they seem to like my bf so much. Poor bugger.

Anyway, i’m excited and positive for the first time in ages. But i also feel as if i’m about to explode cause i feel depression at the same time???? Confusing much!!!! Lol….oh well.