I have recently realized I try really hard to control everything around me. I like to do things by myself and be in charge of things when I can. When I can’t I tend to sit back and become somewhat uninvolved in any decision making. I hate to be wrong and I don’t handle rejection well.
This leaves me alone and frustrated and I don’t like this.
I have this fear of being too passive. I feel like if I’m not taking action to get what I want it will never happen. While I do think this is somewhat true there are times (especially, I think, when dealing with people) when it’s just not up to me. If I really think being aggressive will get me what I want maybe its worth it? But most of the time its just frustrating and leaves me feeling worse with my mind wrapped and tangled too deep in something that really doesn’t matter.
So, yeah, I think this is an important goal. For my peace of mind and overall happiness. I’m sure I’ll have to work toward finding a balance, but I’m going to start out by letting the universe completely dictate my next few interactions. Just, when I feel that energy building in my spinal cord I’m going to shake it out and say “okay”. The next time I think I want to make this thing happen I’m just going to ignore it and give it its own time. I’m going to miss out on some opportunities and not get some things and realize its not the end of the world.
