come to terms with the fact that my Father is dying and spend as much time with him as possible

Dad had another scan last week and we got the results on Wednesday … after not having chemo since the middle of July, his tumors have stayed the same or grown very, very little!!!

Thank you, Lord!!! I am so excited that he will be around to see my baby!

My husband’s uncle lost his battle with lung cancer on Tuesday. Prior to this, there have only been four people in my life that have passed away:

My grandfather, when I was much too young to really know what it meant.
My great grandmother.
And two coworkers.

My uncle is probably the closest person to me to have died … I have been deeply upset by his passing. I think there are several factors that contribute to it:

He had cancer and my Father has cancer. So, naturally I see them along the same lines.
And, I think more than anything, I am so sad for his kids … I put myself in their position and try to imagine what they are going through and I am so scared for the day when I have to go through it.

I say we are blessed, because my Father was diagnosed three years ago and wasn’t supposed to live past last Christmas and he is currently doing so well. He may live another few years. My uncle was diagnosed August 2008 and has passed away less 14 months later. I am very fortunate to still have my Father.

Cancer is disgusting. I HATE IT!!! And it is not fair!

We just got back from an appointment where my Dad received the results of his latest scan. His tumors have shrunk/stayed the same. This is a miracle considering he hasn’t had any chemo in two months!!! Woohoo!!!

His chemo is not working. Treatment options have all but run out … now he has to decide if he wants to do trials. Unfortunately, there are thousands of trials out there. How do you choose the right one? I won’t be surprised if he chooses quality of life over quantity of life at this point, it’ll break my heart, but I won’t be surprised.

Never again will I complain about a long, hard day at work. Never again will I wish for the long week to end.

Every day that ends is one day closer to the day that my Father will pass away.

I WILL ENJOY EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES!!!

I am really going to miss my Dad!!!

... but I think I can start to accept it. What does “come to terms” even mean? Is it just a fancy way of saying I accept it? Is it a way to say I am making peace with it?

One probably shouldn’t be confused by their own goals.

I finally asked my Dad the “hard” question!!! I am now closer to being at peace! Obviously, I am not happy that he is going to pass away, but I am more comforted than I have been in a long time.

We spent the day at my Dad’s house yesterday. He seemed to be in more visibile pain than you usual. That was very discouraging to see and made me realize how much more precious time it.

On a positive note, he needs me to drive him to Portland to visit his sister (her husband is in the hospital and will probably pass away in the next few days). So, I get to spend some alone time with him. I hope I don’t waste it!!!

I honestly think it would be easier to lose someone suddenly … like in a car crash … rather than due to an illness and have to sit and wait day after day and wonder when.