Rebuild my confidence

It is horrid to feel like..but from the last few days I am wearing these negative thoughts incessantly. Now I am over possessed with the thoughts..like I have lived enough..there is nothing exciting left in my life..I want to end my all project and have no heart to begin new. I have no interest in buying new outfits or to go to the parties. No! It is not depression..this feeling is something new for me. Why this happening to me..please somebody tell me…

I was to meet some people,who were unknown to me,I was expected to be very polite with them(almost artificial).I was preparing for this meeting from the last three or four months,was constantly being told all about them.Finally when the D day arrived,I became much more cautious and biased.Discussion began in a very formal way (Starting with weather to current politics)when the real issues came in the same crude way I started feeling awfully suffocated and uncomfortable.I tried hard not to react but finally with a bang I retaliated in so badly manners that my friends were taken aback. I am shocked and little ashamed of myself. Why.. why on earth I could not keep my cools,I could have ignored their harsh,nasty comments.After practicing yoga and meditation I thought I have all control on emotions but this instance has smashed my image in my own eyes.I am SHOCKED.

Sometime I feel that time is flying,i am also reaching to a stage where I can not explore new horizon,mind is also blocked due to past experiences,fear of falure stops me to start anything,I want to recharge me with anew energy and with the enthusiasm of youth.