It is interesting how it is vital for humans to share their lives. With each other, or even with a diary or journal. To get it out, to make sure certain moments are not forgotten, and to also be able to finally actually forget moments and move on.
I recently stumbled upon a diary from a few years ago of mine. It mostly took place in 2005. It was so very fascinating to read my thoughts. To see how much my life has changed around me in such a short amount of time. Also, how many things I have done, even though sometimes I feel as if I have done nothing :). Where my heart was at and what my hopes and dreams were. There were many things that I had forgotten and reading brought a totally smile to my face.
To leave a couple years and then look back at yourself, it is easier to see who you really were and who you really are. My perception of myself I know is not the same as everyone else’s, yet I can’t figure out where they get what they get. I do not see myself as all that great, in fact I am in my eyes quite plain…dull…nothing that is incredibly special. Yet as I was reading a vibrant, hopeful, optimistic, encouraging, real, silly, beautiful woman was popping out of the pages. After a bit I actually had to stop because it was almost strange in a way. That that was me, is me, but at the same time I do feel as if I am so far from that person… Strange, yes.
I am beautiful! :D And on days when I feel very much the opposite, I guess I just need to remind myself of that. Life is what you make of it and with a dirty perspective of oneself it will never be quite as great as it could be. So it is time to clean off my glasses of life and to stop worrying about what I see as my faults! :D
On a random note, I had not been writing for quite a few days. It was just not something I could get myself to do and when I actually would try and force it, I would write a very undetailed sentence. My heart stumbled across another speed bump and when I feel that way, it is incredibly hard to express myself to anyone, including me. But after reading some of my older journal I felt like writing again :D
One other thing I found interesting was what my goals, dreams, and hopes for the future were. They are very similar to my current ones :D. That is awesome, because it means that I am not being fickle and flitting from one aspiration to another. There are some constant things that I have wanted for quite some time and really need to get on the ball to achieve. If I would have gotten on the ball in the past I would already be there now, so if I start now I can be there in just a year or two :D Back then it seemed as if a year or two were an eternity, but now I am realizing that some things honestly do take time and that putting in that particular time can be very much well worth it…
