Never Stop Laughing

Regulate your 401K ...bitchez.

I throw myself at men.

“All I remember was my sax player making a fire out of chop sticks and holding his horn over the flame to warm it up before we went on. Everyone was dressed up in moon gear.”

Tom Waits

If you google “genius” – Apple comes up as the second entry.

Brilliant.

http://www.thesneeze.com/2009/the-mystery-of-the-face-on-the-butt.php

still makes me giggle to myself

The past three months have SUCKED for my industry…and liver. It began in November with bi-weekly news of one magazine or publishing house having lay-offs. Then it began happening more frequently. Emails to colleagues started bouncing back, rumors started swirling. Now I find myself scanning Print is Dead, and The Great Magazine Die-Off news-related articles to see which of my friends is next to get laid-off. (And I do see the irony in looking online to read about the decline of print.)

And now around 3pm almost daily I get texts about which bar to go to for the latest send-off, and almost every time upon learning about why we are all there the bartender almost invariably buys us a round.

Yay booze.

Have you all ever cruised the missed connections listings on Craigslist? I don’t know if it’s as heavily trafficked in all areas, but the NYC one offers minutes-worth of entertainment. So inspired was I that I crafted this lovely poem:

Bumped into me
you dropped your phone on my foot
i’m so disappointed
Please don’t hate me forever
Some things are better off unsaid
Faith
Big Enchilada
Skin pale yet olive
When we’re old and gray..
You’ve come back…now what?
So, I like you..and you know this, maybe not
Short and Beautiful…
Tall and Beautiful
We should have kept it purely sexual…
Those eyes and that smile
I had an encounter with you once before
My Heart is an Empty Room
i was drunk… you were hot
You Grabbed My Hair & Kissed Me
Don’t be a douche, ask that girl out
YOU BIT MY ARM AT TH NO AGE SHOW!!!!!!
Some love stories just don’t have happy endings, eh?
I wrote you the truth
So I guess you were being malicious
hindsight is a bitch
stop hurting me
Trying to accept what has been lost long ago
CAN SOMEONE INSTRUCT ME ONSEEKING
Where’s a good place to have missed connections?
You said “Its over leave me alone”
ANYONE ON HERE KNOW MARIA IN BED-STY!!! HOLLA!

Post.

Work sucks. Yes, I know I’m not the first to ever proclaim those prophetic words, but I think many say it because it’s true. Overall I enjoy work and working and love certain aspects of my job. But occasionally – work sucks.
I have to deal with egos on a daily basis which gets nauseating at times. In the latest effort to combat my homicidal rages a fellow cube-dweller sent me along this lovely little link: http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016

Now I yearn for a bright future when our office will function like a box of puppies. Where we are free to just pass out on the floor, wake up walk over to your buddy chew on his foot then lay down on top of him and fall back asleep.

I swear to the gods of weather that the friggin bastard of a weatherman said no rain today. So as I’m buttoning up my jacket to head out for some soup I look out the window and see that it’s sunny, but do a double take when I see it’s snowing. It’s sunny and it’s snowing.
...

Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot.