improve my will power by doing something I dont want to each day.

This weekend… and all the way! I cannot get lazy and give up.

I work out. And I dont write it here everyday anymore but I am doing it. I suppose I should make writing it down part of my will power act too. That would take work.

I am just in the middle of having surgery (well not at this moment.. that would hurt) and that takes up all of my time and energy. I am still doing one thing a day—now I need to put on my list “make sure to write down the thing I don’t want to do each day on 43 things!”

I still feel like hell.. after 180.00 worth of pills from walgreens and doctor visits… I am still sick! I am going to work out and see if I cant get some of this illness to pour out of my skin instead!

Also, I needed to grade these horrible tests for someone and I didnt want to but I did!!! I am proud of myself for that one. It made me look like accountable person I am.

I have done about a million things I didn’t want to do. But today I worked out even though I was so dead ass tired I thought I might die. I have to get my energy back. Since I lost the baby in Jan I have had no drive to do much of anything. I feel myself wanting to do more.. I just cant. I don’t think it is depression. I have had that… this feels different. It is like I have lost the will. You know what I mean? The dedication… the drive.. the determination. I feel like I am just doing instead of living. I got the new John Mayer CD this weekend.. there was this song.. I think called Stop This Train… it really struck a cord with me. I don’t want to be 45 and look back to say.. oh if I had only done this or that.. blah blah. I don’t want to wish I was elsewhere everyday. I want to be happy here and now.. with my son and my husband. I just need to figure out how to do this.

No one needs to write me any inspiring message here or supply any guidance. I know that sounds mean.. but this is something that I really need to work out myself or at least with my husband. I just wanted to verbalize it.

In case you actually buy that John Mayer CD.. you must hear Belief. That is one amazing song.

Make sure to get to work on time today. I am making it a habit to come in late. Even if I have a sort of open job … it is still good to be there on time.

Also I want to stick to my caloric intake goals today and still have energy to work out when I get home.

There two perfectly attainable things for me NOT to put off!

I did a 5 K that I really didnt want to. But it is done now! Now I need to clean out the bathroom and get rid of all of those beauty products that I dont need or use.

Then on to the closet. My goal is to clean one drawer or closet out a day for the next month. Can you believe it will take that long? I can.

Today I will keep my cool the whole day as my baby boy is sick on the sofa. My will power will be to not even think about work at all while I take care of him and to clean up the house while he rests on the sofa watching cartoon network. I can use this time to be productive!

I am going to get all of my grading done and take a walk tonight with the dogs. I need to let them get more exercise.. besides my butt will love me for it. Now I have made two body parts happy. Look at me go.

I HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY TODAY!! That is not the bad part.. putting it away is. So today.. on top of adding 5 min to my cardio (yuck) I will do and PUT AWAY the laundry.

That is a good goal for me.