learn to be still

I said I’d stay put here in L.A. but I don’t know if I can (FOR NOW). There’s always something calling me to travel more… to get out there and experience new environments. And though I’ve had a couple bad experiences recently, I still LOVE traveling and meeting and dealing with new people. However, if I do decide to go somewhere soon, I WILL be there for at least a year. I’ll make it work. So I guess this goal can still be achieved… I’m making sure I know what I’m getting myself into before I finalize plans, so with that, it’ll be very easy for me to stay put.

I don’t know when it started happening. I think it was when I moved up to Mendo for 3 months. Ever since then I’ve been hopping around like a mad woman. I stayed at my last job before Italy for one year, but I kept moving around. And then I ran away to Italy… then ran back home… then had a shitty experience living with whatshisname, then went back to mom for a bit, then [tried] to take care of Nonna. Seems I’ve been moving around in such a short amount of time.

Now I love traveling. Really and honestly do. It’s wonderful, and no matter what you do or where you are in your travels, you always end up learning something so much more profound than you could at home. But right now, I need to stay and sit.

Perhaps the lesson I’ve been trying to learn isn’t about staying where I’m unhappy (and not running away). Perhaps it’s about staying home and doing what I want for me for a while until I fix a couple things and travel again. Italy was an exception, and the apartment with Chris & Vance just sucked, but moving to Mendocino and (trying) to move to Santa Rosa felt like leaving home. Felt like I was going to something I knew wouldn’t compare.

Now I’m seeing the reason I agreed to do this with Nonna… if it weren’t for it, I wouldn’t have this AWESOME job opportunity now. But now I gotta get back to who I used to be and stay put.