be a better buddhist

I just read this book yesterday ( finally- It was about to become overdue at the library)and found it interesting, if not groundbreaking. And today Amazon offered it to me for 65% off…
maybe I am supposed to buy it? After all, the point of the book is that desire is not bad.

I think I was better the first year… my second year I seem to have been consumed by anger, laziness, and cynicism. Maybe I’m too cynical to be a buddhist? I guess I kept most of the 5 precepts-at least according to my interpretation. I ate some animals ( killing) and had a few drinks ( intoxicants), but never got drunk or used drugs. I definitely lied. No sexual misconduct or stealing. But I didn’t really make an effort last year, just felt guilty about it.

I have devoted a lot of time lately to wishing bad things would befall people who have wronged me in the past. How many tenets of buddhism does this violate?

I have neglected my practice , the excuse being stress, depression, upheavals in life, laziness, etc, etc, etc. Of course this is exactly when buddhist practice is most needed. I hope to overcome this mind-set and get bak on track.

but right now this just feels like a burden- another thing I am failing at, this is definitely not an example of right thought.