overcome my fears

i finally told the biggest secret i’ve ever lived with to brian. i felt soooo relieved. i thought he’d reject me, but he didn’t. he respected me for being open. i’d say i was lucky, but u really have to wonder how much the people around u would endure and still love u. i see now that he was a lot stronger than i expected.

i leave for downtown in an hour. i’m fighting a traffic ticket at 9 and my flight takes off at 10:53. cutting it close. i got a job at a bed and breakfast in northern cali for the summer and i’ll be there for two months. i’ve met my employers once before and they’re nice people. but i’m still nervous. ok, scared. what a big day. i’ve never gone to court, nor left home for so long. i’m shaking, but taking deep breaths helps. i’m working on the business of fearlessness.

my fears include: deep water, murky water, big waves, and falling in love (not necessarily being in love, but taking down the walls around my emotions so as to show them how I really feel and bask in it).
I’ve made some progress on the fear of water thing. I now go kyaking and jet skiing (not unless it’s shallow, calm ocean or a lake tho). And I’ve been staying in the pool even when there’s no one else in it since I was 15. My Pop and I took our ocean khyaks down the Truckee River at Lake Tahoe last summer and I totally freaked out. Of course maybe taking an ocean khyak down water rapids isn’t the most gentle way of overcoming one’s fears. I refused to continue about half way down.
Someday I’ll make it.