beat cancer

all my follow-up appointments indicate that i’m cancer- free. i’m hesitant to state this with confidence and certainty because this past year has shown me that there’s very little certain about our physical existence. but for now, i’m done with cancer. now i have to focus on how to get back to doing the things that bring me joy.

It’s been one week and two days since I had my mastectomy. I seem to be recovering quite well. I had a pocket of fluid on my right arm and side of my chest from the lymph node dissection, so that’s kinda annoying. But otherwise, I’m able to sit up and walk around a little bit. I get the stitches out next week.

I think because I had a tram-flap reconstruction rather than implants, I almost feel like I still have my own breasts, since my own tissue was used for the reconstruction. I’m starting to think that makes a big difference in how I react to my new body—almost as if I don’t even have a new body, just a different arrangement! And just in time for swimsuit season!

i’m going in for a double mastectomy with an immediate tram flap reconstruction.

It’s going to be a long surgery, but there should be no reason why anything would go wrong. I’m just nervous about after the surgery, how I will heal, and if I’ve finally kicked cancer’s ass once and for all. I’m feeling all the positive vibes out there!

i had my last chemo this week. now i’m waiting for my radiation appointments to start, then surgery. supposedly the chemo is the suckiest part, though i’m fearing the surgery. i mean, who gets all excited about being cut open and rearranged? or even the radiation—like burning the tumors is fun? oh well, all in the name of kicking cancer’s ass and hoping my ass doesn’t kicked in the process.

i told my husband the other night that even though the expected time to go through all the treatment and recovery is suppose to be one year, i feel like that’s just optimistic. and a lot has been said to me about attitude and visualization and so forth, and i won’t argue with people, but some days it’s just hard to keep it up. i’m not sure things will be okay in the end, but for today, at this moment, they are.

one week and two days ago, i was diagnosed with breast cancer. to make matters of communication simpler, i set up a blog:

cancerfuckingsucks.blogspot.com

this changes a lot. i’m out of words at the moment. that seems to happen a lot now. i’m either out of words, or i’m spilling out.