be a good mom

since my recent break up i have been doing nothing but spending time with my daughter… i have realized that i may have not been giving her my full attention and i know she really needs it.. over the past week she has shown me such love.. and compassion… i have been crying and depressed.. and my daughter had givin my hundreds of hugs and kisses, telling me that everything is going to be alright… it hurts to have her to be the one that comforts me, but i dont believe in hiding my feelings from her, she deserves to know all of my… the good, the bad, and the ugly…

she is such a wonderful child.. i would be lost in this world without her in my life

we went to see her father.. he and i had gotten into an argument over the phone earlier in the day and he asked for us not to come… mostly because we were’t going to be able to spned all day with him like he wanted… but after spending time with my father, she asked to see her daddy so we caled and he said to come over… he and i talked.. he apologized for saying all the mean things he had said.. he said he had been drinking and not to listen to anything he says when hes like that… we talked about us.. we decided that its best for us to just be friends… the best friends we can be to eachother.. live our seperate lives but we can still go out with eachother.. do things as a family.. we just dont want to feel pressured to be together.. everyone we know is married, has kids.. stable jobs.. and what they like to call happy lives.. but we want to make sure thats what we’ll have together.. because if we’re not going to be truly happy together than we need to find someone else to be happy with…

yes, he is my best friend… yes, we do fight… but the difference is.. the love that we have for eachother is stronger than anything in the world… i know we will love eachother til the end of time… whether we’re together or not

my daughters father told me today that he’s only gotten back with me so he could see his daughter… yes it hurts but thats not the point.. i have been watching him and her together the past few months and i dont always agree with the way he wants he to be raised… he has been out of her life for 3 years, comes back and expects that he can just be her daddy.. make all the rules and she has to follow them… she doesn’t even know him and he is expecting way too much out of her… i dont know if its a good idea to leave her alone with him… it could be my anger towards him talking but i really dont want him in her life… i think its more harmful than good… i’m perplexed…

she told me this morning that she missed her daddy and asked if we could see him today, and even though him and i still have our problems to work out i took her to see him. It was a good time, we accually laughed together. We are starting to be the friends we were before, and our daughter is finally seeing her father as fun and loving.

She is what makes my heart beat, and my soul sing.