I haven’t been in touch – a very hard week, and so very much to do.
Thinking of you all as Christmas approaches, and wishing you all a happy and holy Christmas. Much Love:)
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brightthunder has written 4 entries about this goal
I haven’t been in touch – a very hard week, and so very much to do.
My computer problems escalted beyond controll:( so I’m much later coming back than expected.
This goal is so beautiful, I’m touched beyond words at the love, sentiment and prayers that flow through here. You’ve all lifted my heart more then I can say.
I’ve so much to catch up on, and so many replies to make, on this goal, through private messages, and I’m afraid to even open my inbox. But, one step at a time. And I guess, despite my inner reluctance, that the first step should be a health update.
A few months ago I woke up with a large red swelling under my left arm. It seemed like an infection in my lymph glands, and I got it checked out, but the swelling and pain was spreading very quickly right across my breast, and soon blood and pus were oozing out.
There was an intial diagnosis of Mastitis, but further tests were arranged. It wasn’t mastitis, it was Inflammatory Breast Cancer.
Seems it’s quite rare, and very aggressive. And I was shocked to find out what the treatment involved… Chemo, followed not by a lumpectomy, but a radical mastectomy, and more chemo and radiation.
I was stunned and horrified, and felt much too young for this to be happening. I also felt strangely guilty and humiliated, and felt unable to share the news, especially since I had just joined the site.
Treatment didn’t go as planned, and I had a very serious allergic reaction when the treatment was just started. The problem was that as a child I’d developed an auto-immune condition. It went undiagnosed for a long time, and the wrong treatments were given, and as a result my kidneys were very seriously damaged. I’ve lived with the kidney damage most of my life, and it never seemed a big deal…there are many things I can’t eat or drink, but when you’ve had a condition since childhood, it just becomes part of your life.
But I had been warned that problems would arise should I ever develope another serious condition, or require surgery. Seems, if you look through the pharmacy books, almost everything is contra-indicated for renal impairment. So my childhood problems finally caught up with me:(
So everything was put on hold and some serious decisions had to be made. I don’‘t know if you’ve ever experienced several doctors discussing your various bodyparts, but it’s a very dehumanising experience. They just argue over what takes precedence… the breast, the kidneys, the immune system….and they seem to forget that a human being is sitting listening.
Weeks went by as we waited and hopped that the auto-immune reactions would calm down, and that the kidney function would stabilise. During this time I had no cancer treatment, which was very scary because the disease was progressing.
Finally it was decided that no conventional treatment could safely be offered. Which basically meant I was written off.
I sat at home digesting the news, and trying to figure out how to tell my family, and my fiance. I simply couldn’t find the right words. But as is often the case, when you most need it God sends help. An online friend I’ve known for many years just phoned out of the blue. She said I had been on her mind and she was worried. I poured out the whole story to her, completely forgetting who her husband was…one of the most famous naturopaths in the country!!!
Within 5 mins, I was consulting with Steve and we spoke for almost 5 hours. He’s treated many cases of breast cancer, all of which had been deemed terminal and conventional medecine had given up on, and sent home to die. Steve has cured everyone of them.
I felt my spirits lift, hope had retured in the most unexpected way.
The natural remedies Steve outlined were very, very indepth. In fact I was stunned at how complex the regime was. I started with great enthusiasim, but quickly found out how totally exhausting it was. And I’m sad to report that within a short time, I reacted to one of the natural elements also.
But I can’t deny the treatment was very effective … I’ll explain it fully in another post if anyone is interested.
At the moment, I’m on another rest phase, still trying to let my immune system and kidneys recover. My current treatment is minimal, trying to stop the cancer advancing any more. But Steve hopes that soon we can re-start the full protocol, and destory all the cancer cells once and for all. I freely admit to not having Steve’s great faith in this…I think reacting to the natural treatments really shocked me, especially when 40 abcesses appeared in the area, and then shingles developed on top of them. Physically, I was almost overwhelming, and emotionally I felt I’d been hit with a truck. I hadn’t forseen these problems, nor this start and stop approach my childhood kidney problems were causing. Many times, I’ve felt like just giving up, sometimes I still feel like that.
Amidst all the chaos and auto-immune reactions, I had some terrible fights with my finace. Despite being unable to undergo the proposed surgery, he continued to insist that we find a doctor who would ignore the kidney and anto-immune problems and preform the surgery anyway!!! His attitude horrified me, and we argued many times over these issues. He refused to support me with the treatments Steve was guiding me through, and even refused to read the litrature.
The prospect of being dragged around the country from one oncologist to another, trying to talk them into performing a radical mastectomy despite the dangers, was simply too much. At that point I was soon weak from the kidney failure and auto-immune reactions that I caould barely lift my head from the pillow. All I needed from him was a hug, some support, some hope that we would face this together. None of that happened, and finally we broke of the engagement:(
I can’t pretend I’m over him, sometimes I feel like the cancer is stealing my future, and sometimes I feel like he has stolen our future. I trusted him compelelty, and we had so many dreams of a life together. I can hardly believe that he is gone, and I know face this battle alone. It’s very hard trying to muster the strength and the will power to take up the fight again, knowing he’s not part of the future I’m supposed to be fighting for:(
I think that’s why this goal means so much to me. It’s giving me hope and support when I struggle to find it elsewhere.
I want to say a very special thank you to Stine for starting this goal for me, and for being such a wonderful friend.
And I’d like to thank every single person who posted here (I will answer each post when I’m able), you’re thoughful words and images have some to me at my darkest time. Thank you all so very much. I don’t think I could face the cancer alone, or the break up of my engagement. But I find here so many dear friends, and many new friends, and you all fill my heart.
Well, after all the “joy” of getting my computer uninfected and clean, the very next morning it broke… wont boot up at all, no matter what. So, its off for repairs at the moment, and Ive managed to borrow this one for a very short time.
I was going to post a health update, but I saw Wren’s thread about Sadie, and HippieChick’s sad news about Bobby. So, I’m going to write them both a short note.
Healthwise, for me things remain a struggle. More news next time I can pinch someone’s computer:)
Oh sooooo many thanks to everybody for this beautiful goal, especially CCSD for starting it.
Really exhausted, can’t type much, but I just got the all clear on a horrible Trojan and 42 Rootkits!!!! shock, gasp, faint!!!!
So at last I’m offically uninfectious and can get in touch again:)
Promise an update soon, and a response to the many, many beautiful messages. I was scared to get in touch with the forum, or anyone privately because of all those trojans and rootkits…didn’t want to infect you all:) A really kind guy called Mark from a techie forum has been privately helping me get cleaned up. I was so touched by his kindness, he’d never even met me before, but has been such a huge help:)
Be in touch soon
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