become a mother

Last Sunday as my husband and I were sitting in church he was leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees and staring googly eyed at a beautiful sleeping baby on the seat in front of him. The baby was dreaming and his mouth was twitching in and out of a smile and I watched my husband falling a little bit in love with that baby and it melted my heart. I wonder how much worse it will be with our own child…

I am so scared to have children, scared of the change, scared that I won’t do a good job, but I am just as scared that I won’t be able to have them…