decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

I often wish I was an artist. Any kind of artist: writer, painter, illustrator, graphic designer, musician, actor, etc. I love art. Artists seem to have so much passion for their craft. I envy that. I find art inspiring and I could go around museums all day. But when it comes down to actually making art, I hit a wall. I have tried doing many things as a hobby. I never really feel satisfied by them and get bored. I try as hard as I can to keep doing photography. I think that if it was what I was meant to be doing than I wouldn’t have to try so hard to remember to do it. I am definitely a casual photographer. The only thing I do on a daily basis is dance. I love dancing, but I don’t see myself doing it as a career. I would rather find a great class or a little dance group that I can do once or twice a week.

But, still, I wish I was an artist.

I am actively looking for and applying to jobs in a few different areas: forensic science, museum archiving, and youth education program type things, in addition to other similar things. I know the world will take me where I want to be. For example, I’m so glad that I came home and worked part-time for the last six months, because I had no idea where to begin before, but now I’m looking at quite a few job applications to finish this week. I hope to have at least 4 done by Friday.

I talked about forensic science in my last post, and I feel that it could take me into archaeology, forensic anthropology, or the FBI. The museum archiving could take me into curatorship, archiving/conservation, or even becoming a librarian. The education programming could take me into teaching or to becoming a guidance counselor.

All of these different things from a bit of job searching and time taken to relax and stop thinking about the future. And to be completely honest, I fully believe that doing a bit of yoga and meditation helped me formulate these ideas.

I’m not sure I will ever “decide what to do with the rest of my life”, but I like the progress I’ve made and I feel that it has completed this goal as much as I even want it to. I am going to keep posting entries. I don’t want to limit myself by picking one career forever. I’m a dynamic person and my job should reflect that! :-)

I’m developing some sort of plan now. It’s not long term, but I think I like it that way. I am looking for a job in forensic science. Here in Florida, I can be a forensic science technician and work in the crime lab without any more education. From this job, I will find out if I like it. Then from there, I could decide to do something else, or stick with the same.

If I like it, like I think I will, I could go on to study archaeology or physical anthropology in graduate school, maybe in order to do forensic anthropology or paleopathology or just for the interest factor. Or I could go on to get a Master’s in forensic science. Or I could try to get a job at the FBI doing forensics.

If I don’t like it, I could move on to something artistic or in design of some sort, but at least I will be satisfied that I tried (and ruled it out)!

One day last week, I shadowed an optometrist for the morning. She was very nice and had a great little business going on with two other optometrists. The experience showed me that I think I would be happy being an optometrist, but it didn’t blow me away with excitement for the job. For the time being, I have decided to not go with this career, because it would involve another 4 years of school, and I can’t justify all that time and money bringing me to just that one career, which may not be my passion!

• Help people, without the four years of med school and residency
• Use my interest in health and medicine
• I like the fact that it is autonomous, but not 100%
• Need to take Microbiology next year
• At this point in time, would have to apply for Fall 2009 entrance

• Help children work towards their goals and dreams
• I would enjoy doing scheduling
• I would be frustrated with talking to those kids who just don’t care
• Could apply for Fall 2008

• Help people and actually see myself making a difference in their lives
• I like the fact that I could have a taste of using business as well as the science
• I am concerned it would get very repetitive and boring
• Need to take Microbiology next year
• Need to take OATs
• Would have to apply for Fall 2009

• Could be very interesting
• It would use my love of human anatomy
• It might be too much lab work
• Could be too gruesome/not a positive mindframe
• Would have to apply for Fall 2009

• I like to organize things and I love art and science museums
• I don’t really know what I would need, but I do like the idea of it

1. Take microbiology next semester
2. Take forensic anthropology if it’s not full
3. Shadow a PA
4. Shadow an Optometrist

I’m so tired of thinking about this. I really just need to try something. If it isn’t the perfect fit then that’s ok, I can either make do with what I try or change to something else. I don’t want to hate my job, but I don’t want it to be my life either. I just can’t pick ONE thing. I am afraid of making the wrong choice, something I would be terrible at, something I am already overqualified for, something I have to have a lot more school in order to do. I’m willing to go back to school for a year or two, but I must say that at this point in my life I’m not ready for four (or more) years of school…again.

Can somebody please tell me how to just make a decision and follow through with it?!?

“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly.” – Andy Warhol

“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.” – Mary Kay Ashy

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

I just think it is an incredibly useful thing in today’s world. I think I will wait before I do this (if I do) though, at least a couple of years.

This overseas program sounds amazing: http://www.mbs.ac.uk/mba/index.aspx

What I’ve been observing and hearing from professors is that graduate programs in Biology are typically for research purposes. I don’t have research goals and I’ve definitely decided against doing research in the long run. So, I really don’t think a research degree is in the cards for me.

I’ve been thinking that if I do go to grad school and not professional school, then I would go in for Physical or Biological Anthropology with some education in anatomy and physiology, because that is where my interest lies.

And I don’t want a PhD. That’s pretty much like a Medical degree for me. It would be a Master’s if anything, but again, I’m not sure I’d do that.

Why don’t I have a passion in life? Have I just not found it yet? Why can’t I imagine myself in just 5 years? This is hard.

Currently, I’m leaning towards getting a degree in nursing. I don’t think it would take very long because I will have a good solid degree in Biology from a good University, I’m not sure but let’s say 12-15 months. Then I’ll need at least a year of experience working as a nurse before I would eventually become an anesthesia nurse.

The good thing about this is that since it wouldn’t be a lot of time and money in getting the degree, if I ended up not liking it, I don’t have to continue to becoming an anesthesia nurse, but at least I would have made an effort in finding myself a career.

Taking a chance is the hardest part because it’s scary. What if I don’t like something and I’ve devoted all of this time and put in all of this money to it?

I also think it might be fun and interesting working at a museum studying ancient skeletons as some type of forensic archaeologist or something like that. I don’t really know what I would have to do, except for getting a higher degree in archaeology. I love museums and my archaeology professor was just so amazing. Actually, I think I’ll talk to her during next semester. I’m positive she’d meet with me.