love myself again

Thought things would get better….they are getting worse. I feel like Im dying inside and no one can help but me. Im sick of crying!

From the moment I decided to do this till now, I think I have come a long way. However, I feel that I may be slowly slipping backwards. For instance… I had a great week last week!! Like…I was happy, me and my boyfriend didnt fight, and I was not dependent upon him when I got bored. I did my own thing and gave him his time. Now…this week….not so great. I have been in this really bad funk since saturday, and I just cant seem to get away from it. I cried for a while yesterday and I dont relly know why. I have been getting really bad headaches, and just overall gloomy. Im hoping maybe its just me getting sick or something. I dont have anything to be depressed about…
I just dont know.
Things will get better soon though….Im sure of it : )

...all going in circles. I am trying to find what makes me happy again and enjoy life, which I must say has been helping me. Ive even had people notice that my spirits are higher and I dont act the same way as I did before. This is a good thing right?! So, why is it that I just keep going back to my old habits every now and then. I just want to stop and be happy. I just want everything to be normal. Now, I know that everything cant always be peachy but I would like to just be at a good medium even. Im sick of the ups and downs!!!!

Every night, I come to this website and go over my goals…. this one is at the very top of my list because I believe it is the most important. Now….am I making progress? I dont know. I feel better, but I think it is because I have recognized that there was a problem and it was affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. It took him telling me that he wasnt going to put up with my anxiety and constant worrying much longer.My confidence level has begun to slowly fade, and its because Im losing myself. We have been together for a while now, and he is a very important part of my life. In fact, I was making him the only imortant thing in my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had started shutting me out all together. My needs and wants, what I believe in. Even my opinions werent my own. Just realizing and admitting that I was at that point and wanting to change felt good. I think a lot of people have problems understanding it because they know the feeling but they arent sure why its there and where its coming from.
I want to love myself again, and I WILL eventually. But I do have a lot of work to do, however, its the figuring it out part that excites me. I remember what its like to love myself and know that I am someone special. I cant wait until the day I have that again, and for others to be able to see it in me : )

“be who you are and say what you feel, becauase those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exoctic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous!”