Recover from my eating disorder

I know it’s been a long time since I have blogged about this, but since my last entry (8mths ago) I have been doing seriously good. I’m back to a ‘normal’ weight, doing much better in all areas of my life -ie health, social, etc. Only thing is, I don’t know whether or not to click the ‘I’ve done this’ button. When really can you? Another four months? Another year? Ten?
:/
Anywho, I am feeling good. This is very vague, because I’m in a rush, I’ll update/add later.
Although – sure, at times it is difficult. Especially when I’m under a lot of stress or a lot of cr*p is happening generally in my life, but I keep reminding myself not to go back there. It can only go downhill if I do. I should say, I’m in an optimistic mood right now, believe me there’s times when I feel almost the complete opposite, almost as if I, I don’t know- miss it, nearly? But overall, I’m glad I am trying. I’m stronger. It doesn’t control me now.
Hope you are all doing good! :)
Cass x

Yes, like I said I’m definitely working – and making progress! – on it.
Although, I’m sort of having doubts as to how far I can go with recovering.
One thing is I’m not sure if this is something that you can ever click the ‘I’ve done this’ button in reference to E.D. recovery. You know?
I mean, is there ever a point at which you can be completely done with your eating disorder?
Excuse me and my cynicism, but would I be naive to think it will ever just go away for good if I ‘recover’?
I hope so.

It’s hard doing this, but it’s worse when I’m doing it completely alone- in every damn sense of the word- I have no one to reassure me, or even lie to me, which I wouldn’t even mind right now!

Ugh.. I just wish I had never got mixed up in all this sh*t to begin with!

ooh well its not exactly going great. actually is not going at all. unless you count backwards :/
I can’t believe I said this 6 months ago it seems like last week!
I haven’t made any progress in that time, and its kind of disappointing. Within myself. :(
I’m freaking terrified though that I will have to or I will have to check myself into a clinic somewhere or something of the like. Because I don’t know about you guys… But I’ve never heard of anyone recovering from an ED solo in 19 days! (The amount of time I have left).
I made a personal challenge & a promise to myself, and I’m not the type of person to let that go, so I honestly don’t know what the outcome will be… Wish me luck!
x

ah 178 days! :/ im working on it…