stop being afraid of commitment

than I was 10 weeks ago, and now I see how my fear of commitment is affecting other really serious areas of my life. Fear of committing to a person/career/shade of paint for my room. When do I just relinquish control? Because in a sense, that’s exactly what the fear is about: giving in and allowing someone else to have control and influence in my life. Giving in and allowing myself to actually enjoy doing something for a living. Giving in and having to learn more and be in someone else’s control in that sense. Giving in and making a decision and sticking to it. I feel like in releasing the fear, I’m releasing the power, and I had so little of it to begin with! Ugh. That’s all I can say to myself. Ugh.

terrified. I’ve never even been there, and I am terrified. I can’t even bring myself to date, because I think I’m worth the committment (I think we’re all worth the committment, ladies), and I think any guy would feel the same way, but I’m afraid he’ll see that I’m worth it, and expect things that I may not be able to give him. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I could take the hit myself, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for another’s pain.

In other words, I think way too hard about these things. Hopefully I can break down my own barriers and step outside of my head and just go with the flow if and when the flow comes along.

too young for this? I’m only in my early 20s…should I even be thinking about committment? Shouldn’t I be young, and carefree, and exploring different people to see what I want when the time comes to “settle down?” When is a good time to settle down for someone who’s never really been in a relationship?

is always greener on the other side.” And what this means for me, is that it’s so easy to look to the other side, and see people in relationships and envision that being me, due to the fact that at the present moment, it’s NOT me. But when I’m faced with the possibility, when I’m on that greener side, I freeze.

I think my biggest fear when thinking about committment is thinking about how if I committ myself to someone, I might miss out on something or someone else. I might miss this opportunity, or I might never get that hot guy over there with the great personality because I already committed myself to someone else (who’s probably just as great). I’m always thinking about the grass on the other side of the field. But when I get to that other side, there’s even greener grass right next door. It’ll always be over there, and never within my reach. But that doesn’t mean that I give up. It just means I never give myself a chance to enjoy what I DO have or what’s within my reach, because I’m always looking over there. To the other, greener side. I may never be able to enjoy anything if I’m always looking somewhere else.

to a relationship. Something in me tells me I want to be with someone, and share the love that I have to give, but something else deep down inside of me is afraid to expose myself on as intimate a level as is required in a relationship. I’d have to be vulnerable in order to truly benefit from what a (hopefully healthy) relationship has to offer, and I don’t know if I can do that. But I would like to give it a shot.