Stop being so hard on myself

I think I could get a lot more done. But my criticism of myself and my self-doubt and constant worryign and comparing myself to others gets in the way, and I find that I’ve talked a mile, without even moving an inch. I try to tell myself, “Oh, well. Sh* happens,” but words are nothing compared to actions, and my actions don’t reflect those words. I’ll say “whatever,” as if I don’t care, but I walk around like a beaten puppy with its tail between my legs because I just can’t shake events from my mind. I can’t stop replaying scenarios and thinking how I could’ve done this and that. It’s a horrible way to live but it’s my life. I would love to give it up, though, even for a day or a week, just to be able to really feel and act out what I say. There’s still a disconnect there.

at least, I WISH I was a perfectionist. But when you’re a perfectionist, in an imperfect world, you tend to be pretty hard on yourself. Take, for instance, the fact that I will not respond to people who are interested in getting to know me/date me because I am not as skinny as I could/should be. The fact that I have not taken the MCAT yet because I want to make sure I have ever piece of information in every last one of my books down. The fact that I second-guess myself because there must be SOMETHING I’m missing; the torture never ends. I wish I could just love myself and what I’ve accomplished so far. But I can’t help but think about those things that I could’ve and should’ve done. I can’t just live in the present; I can’t just be proud of myself. There’s always SOMETHING ELSE to think about, to chastize myself about. I don’t even know how to break the cycle. How do I overcome this?