stop obsessing

that everything is my fault. Obsession is the belief that if I “do this” or “do that,” perhaps if I held my mouth just the right way or said the proper thing; I can control all possible outcomes. Guss what? it just ain’t true. I am not responsible for anyone’s actions other than my own, and to let the truth be known I do not want responsibility of making someone else’s discussions. As I said before, “there is a God and I am not Him, the world makes sense, but not to me”

is to do it. Not to just play around with it, not to try and make the world work the way I want it too, but to accept things as they are and be happy with that. I dropped my Facebook account. If I do not wish to be burned, I shoud not play with fire.

at the invitation of one of my friends. A few days later I got an invitation to be “old what’s-her-name’s” friend. It was a total surprise to me, but I sent her a message asking how she has been doing for the last few years, since I had last contact with her. I also gave her a quick rundown on what my wife and I have been doing. I received no reply. This is just too weird, I don’t need to be doing this, but I do it anyway. I once heard that one definition of insanity was doing the same thing and expecting different results. BTW: this happened with the full knowledge of my wife.

I looked up “old what’s her name’s” profile on Classmates.com and when I saw that she had a picture on from high-school I sent her a message on that website. I had made a promise to myself, that I would not be the first to start communication again, and never without my wife’s knowledge. The next day I went back and deleted the message, prior to her reading it. Dumb!

but if I could moderate my obsessions, then they would not be obsessions, would they? Anyway I went with a girl some 38 years ago, when we were both 18 years old. It was a very rocky relationship, the high point of it was the “biology experiments” we did in the back of my old Plymouth. She finally left as she felt our “study” was gong nowhere. I thought about her day and night, until I meet my wife in 1970.
I am in recovery from alcoholism and one of the steps that I have to do is to “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” I found Old-what’s-her-name on classmates.com and contacted her, with my wife’s full knowledge, and made amends for the way I treated her, which she accepted. That should have been the end of the story, but I have been thinking of Old-what’s-her-name every day since that time, almost one year ago. Now I love my wife, and would never hurt her, and really don’t want Old-what’s-her-name back but I think about her all of the time. I even looked up her picture on the internet (you can find anything on the net if you look hard enough) and that thin girl I knew in 1969, looks like Aunt Bee on the Andy Griffith show now, but I still think about her. I have not emailed her in a year, and I never plan to contact her again, but I wish she wasn’t living in my head. Now that my friend is obsession!