Remain boyant in spite of my man's attitude

I haven’t accomplished this, but it all depends on his attitude and sometimes he’s happy and when I read this it makes me mad at him. So it’s not worth thinking about on this list since I can’t seem to work on it when he’s happy and i can’t manage it when he’s not. I’m letting this go to get away from the naggy-ness of the issue.

I still ebb and flow depending on his every sharp angry exhale. Every time he shuns something I say as an insult -like when I tell him that I’m meeting family for shopping and ask if he wants to go along – I guess I should never make any plans without him first and foremost. Which, of course, means that the only things we’d do is fuck and watch sports and play music because he hates every damn thing I like to do and LOVEs to act bored and martyred whenever he’s with me. Asshole. Now I’ve made myself mad just thinking about him. What’s WITH me! I need serious help!

I’ve been failing at this MISERABLY. Finally, when I asked him to not make me pay for his insurance and he caved in nicely enough, I felt GREAT and find myself not being angry anymore. It doesn’t count though, to only be in a good mood when HE’S in a good mood. NOT what I’m aiming for.

Last night he was in a really bad mood and was decent enough to talk to me about it. I could see he was really struggling to be nice and not blast me. I wish he would do something to improve his life rather than just wishing it would get better.

and it’s pissin’ me OFF! That fucker.

Well, it’s probably the guilt of you owing me $6,000 that’s keeping you awake.
Ugh.

ANYway, I’m still tapping and trying to focus on me and my success and NOT on him and his bitterness. Anthony Robbins puts me in an empowered mood.

His attitude is FINE now. He’s perfectly happy not paying bills. He’s even working, but says he can’t pay me anything.
Asshole.
ANYway, Now I am trying to remain boyant in spite of feeling like a schmuck.
Good luck to me, right???

I tapped today, trying to look at him as a way to grow and become awesome instead of as a money sink.
It did help!

He lost his job again. Now he owes $700 in bills and says he can’t pay. the end. can’t pay.
And if it ever came to ME not Paying???? He’d be living with his family and I’d be living on the street.
I’ll lose the house if I tell the mortgage company …”I can’t pay”.

Or the electric company…”I can’t pay”.

He got me SOOOOO down last night. ugh.
It’s tough.

ack. He’s icky again. so miserable and bitter. Nothing is good. the food’s not quite good enough. Nobody treats him right. Nobody respects him like they should. Nothing I do is adequate. He’s not complaining about what I do, he just makes a point to quietly let me know that he dislikes every the furniture I find and the plans I have. For everything. He’s only nice to me in bed. You’d think that would make me want to be in bed with him more but it actually makes me want to stay far far away. And I know it won’t be long till he’s mad at me for not being exciting enough in bed anyway. ugh. oh well. That’s what this “remaining boyant” thing is about, right! This is where my work, my focus, and my rewards come from.