Create the life I want to live

I liked this article

“Mostly, change is as inevitable as rain in the spring. Some of us just put on our raincoats and splash forward, some of us choose to stay home, a few admirable nuts shed their clothes and cavort in the yard, and some people go out and get deeply, resentfully, and miserably wet. And no matter what, the rain falls.”

Brilliant article/interview here from Barbara Sher.

I can’t help but agree: telling myself I’m wonderful, that life is great, blah blah, has done very little for me. Something that motivates me to do is sounds far, FAR more effective!

Anyone want to start a 43T group Success Team? :)

“How to get what you want, even if you have no goals, no character, and you’re often in a lousy mood”

Creating more time

“So what about those people who still don’t have enough time? The answer is very simple – they don’t do what they love most of their time. They don’t do what counts. Instead, they waste their energy on tasks that are not important to them.”

...but it keeps repeating in my head, every now and then: this life I want, it’s the kind of life that makes for an interesting blog; or that I could create scrapbooks of (craft mags are always full of scrap booking – I don’t quite get it, but…).

It’s not about showing off – I’m not that fussed about external audiences (you guys are great, getting semi-anonymous feedback helps so much on so many things, but I’m not really interested in performing for y’all, y’know?) but looking at blogs, or even reading here, really gives you a glimpse into other people’s lives, and I think – yes, if I’m interested in reading, it implies… something.

Best example: I’ve long been a fan of Ursula Vernon, both her art and her livejournal writing. She writes well and has a great sense of humour. Recently it’s been sooo cool reading about her new book deal, and sudden huge successes. However, most of the time she talks about more mundane stuff. And yet, the art (interested!), the gardening (some interest), even the coral tank (zero interest!), displays this life full of small passions. I like :)

Of course, I’d like to have a life so full of interest and passion and (self-chosen!) adventure that I wouldn’t have much time to blog about it all!

“unleash the excitement that makes every life worth living”

That’s what I feel like I’m missing. I have lots of distractions, I amble through life, mainly, but… why? I mean, I don’t necessarily think there is a big purpose, but sometimes I just wonder what I’m really getting out of my current life.
_{please, no spiritual-type comments. they only make me rant}

Oh, really – I’m just in a mood ‘cos I’m back to work tomorrow. Work definitely seems to lack a point right now. It started so shiny-exciting, but I’ve been getting increasingly disillusioned. I want to turn up, do my thang – that is, work away at stuff I’m capable of being good at without some huge struggle – and learn a bit as I go. Instead, I find myself surrounded by people who seem to think work = life, and I’m slacking if I don’t act like I believe the same. I’m also struggling to figure out half of what I’m meant to be doing – learning I like, being pushed to produce results when I don’t really know what I’m doing is not my cup of tea!

Meh.

edit
Okay, there’s no point moaning if I’m not going to try to do something to fix it. So, amongst all my back-to-work chat, I’ll try and raise some of these issues.

Also, going to try and plan something more fun to look forward to every evening this week. A hot bath, favourite foods, a daft movie, finally watching Firefly – that kind of thing. Hmm, daft movie and food…! :)

And maybe it’s time to start a new project: a small website, perhaps – lovely practical ness!

Is a lot of what this boils down to. Fitting in all the things I want to do, be they projects or just outright fun. No one thing (bar work, sleep – the unavoidables) should stop me doing anything else I want to.

So. Next week exams, after that – better scheduling :)

Health
I hate being ill. I hate that I get ill easily and hard. Not entirely sure what to do about it, but eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep is a pretty good start! Then, perhaps, being ill will stop stopping everything else!

Work
Whether I like it or not, this is where I spend huge amounts of time. I don’t hate my work. I don’t wake up with a burning passion to go every morning, but it’s alright. Still, can’t help but feel like a slacker when I’m off sick, off on study leave, etc. It should be more of a priority – not over health and exams, but once those are out of the way I could and should put more effort in. Alas, the ‘stick’ approach is more apparent there and that really puts me off. Rise above. Suck the marrow from it all! And at the end of the day – I’ll probably move as soon as my dissertation (fingers crossed I get a work project for it!) is done.

Learning
Another 2 years or so on the academic front: stick it out, get the bit of paper. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no!

Exercise
Part of health, just something I want to have part of my life. Bodies are meant to move. I spend too long sitting in front of computers, exercise the brain – time to appreciate my body more!

Fun!
‘tis the whole point, really :) Hobbies galore, random nuttiness, adventures and new experiences.

Mostly… whatever I’m doing at any given time, do it. Study when I’m meant to be studying – like now, not stressing about work; when I’m at work, give it my full attention, not worry about studying! The day can be compartmentalised so much more to fit in everything I want to do – if I’d only throw myself into whichever task is at hand. Stop with the ‘pooter vegging. If I’m going to relax and watch a movie – turn interwebs off!! Whichever experience I’m pursuing at any given time it deserves my attention and my enthusiasm. So.

edit
This is getting repetitive. I’m fed up waiting for something – to feel better, for exams to be over – to be able to ‘start’ working on this goal!! Grr.

There’s nothing like an extended period leading up to a deadline, where your choices of what to do are pretty much (a) what needs done before that deadline, (b) completely failing to meet the (absolutely non-negotiable) deadline, to make you start to yearn for all the things you’re not doing. The good news is, those yearnings scope out a large part of this goal for me! For instance:

Having made all of one card this side of Christmas, I find myself staring wistfully at colours. The pattern on a girl’s skirt this morning made me think about a card. I’ve been writing about getting caught up in crafting projects as one of my ‘treasure chest’ moments, and I am missing this.

On the topic of artiness, am absolutely gutted to find ‘my’ camera has gone up by £30 – argh!! I held off ‘cos I don’t get my payrise ‘til next month, and it made more sense to reward myself with the purchase, maybe after exams when I had time to play. Argh.

Getting outside features in my ‘things I’d like to be doing’ – my garden needs attention, soon, and although I’ve already taken to walking more I sometimes think longer, more exploratory rambles would be nice if only I had time. The spring weather has also brought joggers galore out of hibernation, and I want to be one of them! Was actually craving popping along to the (shiny new!) gym at the weekend, but couldn’t justify yet another distraction.

Overall, I just want to feel like I have time again, to do anything: explore a bit of drawing/painting again, perhaps; go back to website dreams, not just theory; very definitely review everything under the sun – get back into the flow, get those vouchers I’m twice ready to spend!!

So here’s the point: in a couple of months I will have that time back. And I’m bloddy determined to appreciate it when it happens, and make use of that time for a change!! Remember this entry. Come back and read it. When I can’t be bothered shifting off the sofa, please recall how much I wanted to do these things – the excuse will be gone, and it will be time to prove that I do actually want to do, not just stare wistfully from afar!

Logically, I’m pushing myself hard right now to do stuff I don’t desperately want to do (the learning in general, sure; the pressure of exams, not so much!). If I could just transfer half that energy into the things I say I want to do so much – THAT would be creating the life I want!!

Okay, so maybe not everything! ;)

Right now, though, I am just in such a huge frame of mind to fill my life with as many experiences as I can. This is, of course, a obvious and direct result of a feared near-death experience, even if it wasn’t mine. Between that and spring, there’s just something in the air – and it’s rather exciting!

So I’m in the mood to say ‘Yes’ (Danny Wallace / Jim Carrey style), to take some risks, and see what comes of it all!

And to kick me off – I’m going on holiday! Well, in June. But it’s all booked :) And then… the world!!!!!!!!

...but this is an interesting self-revelation, perhaps? And a bit exciting, too!

Reading an AllConsuming review about Music Theory for Dummies, not only did I suddenly want this book – I want ALL the Dummies guides! Well, pretty much :) I want to know about EVERYTHING, you see.

I realise that no one can know everything about everything, but I wonder if learning a little about most things is ‘me’. Y’know, I think it is! I hold a brain full of trivia. So many things interest me – at least a little. I do tend to get bored fairly easily, too.

I’ve already got a goal about being a scanner, but I suddenly feel as if I’ve just confirmed it – and I think that’s okay. There are times and places for specialisation, but I think the modern world holds some good places for a ‘Jill of all trades, master of none’ – right? Knowing a little programming, a little maths, a little photoshop, a little hundred other things… squeeee! I feel like I’ve just given myself permission to make my life a bit more enjoyable, and struggle less against my ‘nature’!

Now, where can I get a Dummies Guide to Dummies Guides? ;)