list my "someday" goals

Okay, for now this is the last of my ‘biggies’ – and probably the one I’ve had forever. It’s sad, really, that when I was much younger (and therefore a fair bit less capable!) I pursued this goal actively: what I was writing was unplanned, often highly derivative, and almost never finished, but dagnamit I was writing! The glamour, the thrill, the sheer enthusiasm for pens and notebooks and then typewriters and computers! :)

I love stories. I love books, I love reading. To be on the other side of all that – the creation side – wow. My brain is great at creating new worlds and bizarre curios: to be able to capture some of that on paper, to share my dreamscapes with other people.

Of course, these days everyone and their granny wants to be a writer. And the way to do it? Just – do it! Scribble, get on with it, produce words, sentences, paragraphs. 99.9% will be utter crud, but it’s what you have to wade through to find your tiny little diamond in the dirt.

Hugely looking forward to feeling ‘ready’ for this goal – ie, not studying, no exams. Not that juggling is impossible, but since I struggle to find time for what has to be done… I’ll wait. In fact, if I studied as I mean to, I’d be able to take that hour per night and turn it into writing time… :)

I don’t necessarily need to have a reason ;)

Getting fit is less ‘some day’ and more ‘long-term’ as in how long it could take! But right at this moment it’s ‘one day (albeit soon)’ as I’m not up for trying again, yet.

If I’m being honest, it’s all kinds of fitness, not just running, and has as much motivation from being slimmer and happier with my body in general as being able to talk and climb the stairs without embarrassing myself. But there’s something about that image, the freedom of running; something about running that appeals more than other forms of exercise.

The great thing about this goal is I can see how much further on I already am with it than I was, say, five years ago. My entire adult life – longer – I’ve had an image of myself as pretty much incapable of achievement in this arena. PE was something to be endured, not enjoyed; I’ve never been fit, how could I ever be? And yet, over the past few years I’ve done yoga and pilates classes, joined the gym proper, started (several times!) the C25K program, and taken up walking anywhere and everywhere, especially when I didn’t have to! Alas, things seem to keep getting in my way – and yet I have no intention of giving up the trying.

Like guitar, this is just about starting and then consistency, and it’ll get where it gets over time. Unlike many goals, the pursuit is where all the benefits are, not just the end point.

I’ve owned a guitar since I was about eight years old. Still have that same one, in fact, plus a much snazzier electric version that I was given for Christmas some… seven, maybe?... years ago, in an attempt to reignite the passion. Of course, I still can’t play!

I don’t think there’s a great deal to this, really. I mean, I’m not aiming to be Jimi Hendrix, or to play (beautiful) mega complicated (oh so beautiful) Spanish guitar pieces. Just… strum some recognisable sing-alongs, really. Maybe a bit of plucking ;) Which, I think, requires practice far more than any serious talent.

Well, I’m being a bit disingenuous, really. I have tried this before. I studied chord theory, I memorised tons of ‘em, I printed off tab after tab. Some of it helped, most of it didn’t. And I never quite got the hang of strumming…

So… time. If I just picked the damn thing up, spent 10 minutes a day, I’d probably achieve this. It’s been 20-ish years, I could be brilliant by now! Obviously, not a priority. And yet, the guitar is still there, as is the smile at the idea of… something :)

Just realised this ties with both my previous entries for this goal! :) Capturing those travel moments; and photography can be a sort of shortcut to art: no hours of drawing and painting, struggling to capture light – just point and click.

Of course, it can’t be that easy and it’s not! Taking decent pictures takes skill. It’s so complicated, what makes a good photograph compared to a snapshot: composition, angle, subject, light…

This goal has always been on the ‘someday’ list, waiting for a point where I wasn’t copying or treading on toes. See, one of my best mates is a photographer by profession; my sm is a very keen amateur! To say I wanted to learn this never quite sounded… right. Daft? Probably! But I had enough else to be getting on with, anyway!

But we get back to that decade plus having passed, and all that seems okay now. A while back I made a comment to sm that I’d love to take a photography class after my current exams are through (followed by an instant “I shouldn’t have said that!” panic!) – and she said she’d come with me! And friendship is more than long-established enough to maybe beg a few tips, at least? :)

So the why? Sometimes my ‘artistic side’ sees a moment that just makes me want to capture it. Actually, usually what lets me down is a lack of a decent zoom-lens, it always feels – but splurging on expensive equipment isn’t the sole answer! Oh, and self-consciousness: I feel awkward wandering around with a camera!

It helps me to tie these goals in together. Graphic design, learning photoshop, building websites, capturing my future travels :) It doesn’t have quite the appeal as art in general – being able to reproduce any picture in my head, rather than what I can see/find – but useful skill, nonetheless, and something I’d love to be at least a bit good at.

The world of digital photography makes this so much more accessible, but there are still skills to be learned.

Once upon a time I had a moment of serious choice: art college, or maths degree? I don’t regret my choice, but I do regret not keeping up drawing, etc as a proper hobby.

Thing is, more than a decade on whatever skill I once had is long gone. I’ve always meant to start building them back up again, but it’s oh so discouraging having such fantastic pictures in your head, and no way of extracting them satisfactorily. Other days, I’ve been known to set aside an hour, pick up a pencil and paper – and be totally stumped for inspiration!

I think I get it: you have to go back to playing – or rather, experimenting freely! :) Still, it’s hard to give it time when I’m ‘meant’ to be studying, so onto the ‘one day’ list it shall go, at least for a little while.

• pastels – used to love the mess factor, so freeing!
• drawing – I used to be good at this
• painting – I was never good at this, but I always wanted more opportunity to try learning! Watercolour is pretty but tough, oils and acrylics scare me. Still, I have (cheap) sets of each, might as well try them!
• inks – ooh, but I always loved inks! The sheerness of the colour but so much more vivid and glossy than watercolours
• copying! – Michaelangelo started off copying other people’s work – that’s how learning started. So, pick something that appeals, copy, LEARN! No shame in it!
• graphic design – fits hugely well with my MSc, actually, including a Multimedia Design course I hope to start in May. Might be my way in? I was always being told off for being too designy in art classes, but now it’s all my choice! :)
• calligraphy – could be a separate entry, but also fits here.
• colour colour colour! – one of the huge appeals: I love colour! And again – what a fab tie-in with my degree: merging the technical with the graphic

I’d love to (re) build the skills that could let me indulge my creative side more. Today, for instance, I’m having a visual day: just looking at pictures and colour and photos and art excites me. Right now, I don’t have anything I know to do with that, but I’m glad I can at least acknowledge it – and with a strength of excitement that definitely makes it worth persuing.

Hmm. Maybe ‘one day’ doesn’t have to be so far away, right? :)

One of the big things for me when I found 43T was taking the big swirling mass of things I wanted to do, organising it into a list, and… spread things out, I guess. Look at what I can accomplish now, and what I want/need to push back for ‘later’.

Later goals are sometimes frustrating: I want to do this, why not now? Website building, for instance, has to wait for exams to be out of the way. Then again, sometimes they’re motivating: when I finish my current ‘goalstack’, then I already know what I’m moving to – a post-exam photography course, for instance :)

Of course, some things I’m just not ready for yet, and that’s where travel fits. Still, right now – partly through reading North Star (it’s taking over my life LOL!) and partly from talking about my last trip (a desperately woefully long time ago!) – I am at least of a mind to write down: one day I want to see lots and lots of bits of the world! :)