move on

i have to say i’m feeling better now. after talking with him 3 weeks ago i dont feel pain anymore. we talked like two normal mature adults. i didnt even ask him why he did this to me. i think i’ve finally accepted it. could this mean i’ve finally moved on?

i was talking to a friend last night and he asked me if i’ve finally got over it. i haven’t really given it much thought lately. so i was surprised by the question. it was like i’ve forgotten i was depressed just a few weeks ago.

does not feeling pain and not thinking about it mean i’m over him?

but i am still not ready for another long distance relationship. it’s not that i’m still hoping we’d get back together, ‘cause i’m not. i don’t want him back. i just dont think i could trust someone again.. i mean, i’m still scared it’ll happen again. it was too painful and i don’t wanna feel that kind of pain again.

does being afraid mean i still haven’t move on? i just don’t want to expect much from people anymore. how do i know i’ve totally gotten over this? i think i already did.

i just don’t want to get into another relationship and the other person would suffer from my trust issues caused by a former lover. that would be unfair, right?

talking to friends really helped. heck, even talking to a stranger bout this helped. i guess venting out my feelings made my chest lighter… i dont cry as often anymore. and i can laugh about how stupid i was… i’m just not sure how i’ll react when we see each other next week, i’m not even sure if seeing him next week is going to be for the good.. keepin my fingers crossed….

i am just so sick of crying and hoping someday we still end up together. am i too pathetic? when can i finally accept that he’s found someone else while i’m here with a box of tissues. and there’s just nothing i could do about it. i wish i’m jsut angry. anger and hate may be better than just being depressed. he said he still cares and loves me and hopes i feel better. but i dunno. could be mere pity. or guilt.
i just want to stop crying to sleep. and stop crying whenever i think of him. how can i make this fast?