Fall in love

Today at work, I asked J if he had any Valentine’s Day plans. I asked him this because I was asking almost all my coworkers this (purely for the sake of small talk). But in J’s case, I was actually curious.

He said he was going to the movies with his sister. On Valentine’s Day.

I guess this means he’s single!

There is a guy at work that I think might be interested in me.

It’s hard to determine this though: I act very nervous around people I find attractive. And so he may just be acting this way around me because he senses my socially inept vibes.

But anyway.

• He asked me to untie his apron as he was getting off work, and when I went to untie the knot it was pretty loose

• he stares at me quite often (could just be my imagination but I don’t think so)

• Twice now, he has directly asked me what I want to eat, even though he knows the waiters are supposed to take everyone’s orders

• just the general way he acts around me is not the same around others (then again, this goes double for me with everyone on the planet)

• let’s not forget the ride he offered me home!

But I don’t know. I’m not jumping to conclusions anymore.

I will not end up being one of those people who becomes infatuated with anyone who gives me the slightest attention.

He was just

indescribable.

I hope he knows that.

I think he was the only person I did not feel the need to explain myself to.

I wonder what he is doing, right now.

Today me and my unbelievably attractive boyfriend ate breakfast in a café and then we climbed in his helicopter and we flew to Europe and we made out under the Eiffel Tower. Afterwards I gave him this tiny peck on the lips, almost like a signature after the make-out session. Then he proposed to me and I said yes yes, a thousand times yes, and we made out some more and then we flew back to America and it only took ten minutes. Amazing sex followed shortly afterwards, in his studio apartment, and then we lay in bed and watched Seinfeld for two hours. It was perfect.

LOL JUST KIDDING I HAVE NO BOYFRIEND AND I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE.

He has a great personality, and he’s really attractive.

It’s too bad.

Because if I was ever asked out by anyone, I would say no.

Because I’m hung up on a guy I haven’t seen in years.

Life sucks sometimes.

“I just want a honey.”

If he only knew. He has no idea. Sometimes I can barely stand it. Not getting to see him is just the worst kind of torture.

Distance doesn’t just make the heart grow fonder. It makes a person go fucking crazy.

This is for.

Uh,

you.

I think you’re having some sort of fight with your girlfriend, and I shouldn’t say I’m glad about it but I kind of am and I wish you weren’t seeing anyone or anything because when you see other people you start meddling in feelings and ‘love’ and I wish, once, just once, or twice, or a million times, I could just see you by yourself and maybe have a conversation with you, but when I get to thinking, if you were single, by the time you start classes again in the fall, some other girl would just fall in love with you as I have.

Sorry if that’s a lot to read.

Time is hard to kill lately. I’ve never had a problem wasting weekends until now. My mind is preoccupied with his face. It sucks. I mean, it SUCKS.

For the past near six months, nothing has changed. Nothing at all. I hadn’t seen him since last school year, and although it wasn’t a great thing to dwell on, I managed alright.

Then I just couldn’t all the sudden. Maybe it’s because he has a new girl by his side now. Maybe I just realised how awful it’s been not seeing him anymore.

I don’t really know. I don’t think the reason matters.

I just miss him. I miss his presence.

I feel as if I am slowly losing my mind, with no turning back.