I was in Infinity’s End and I was holding a snow globe. There was music playing and then a song ended and the radio announcer said Radiohead’s ‘new album’ was soon to hit stores. I didn’t even know they were working on a new release – it was totally fucking awesome news to me.
I was so excited. I remember later when I went to Target and bought The King of Limbs.
It was a fabulous fourth of July.
I believe it was the summer of 2009. Our neighbour at the time, Dena, asked if we wanted to go to see the fireworks at this park the evening of July 4th.
We said we’d love to. And I remember sitting in the pitch black dark on a blanket on a field of grass and seeing really explosive fireworks and it was really exciting and just the memory alone makes me want to return to that night.
This memory happened when I was still in middle school.
The basis of this memory is not a happy one. Mentally, this is where I probably started having severely disordered eating habits, but I still hold this memory ‘dear’ to my heart. It is a warm memory.
I had just fasted for two days. Not for my ‘health’ – because I wanted to be as skinny as possible. Yes, I clearly remember; this is where my eating disorder begin to really grow.
I hadn’t eaten for two days. And I woke up and got dressed for school, and as I was coming downstairs I was thinking maybe I’ll never eat again. But I was hungry.
And there on the kitchen table was a plastic container filled with shelled roasted pistachios.
I took some in my hand and said goodbye to my mom. As I was walking to the bus stop, I ate the pistachios carefully and savored them and they tasted so good. I didn’t even feel guilty about eating them, like I usually did. I just ate them and that was that, and as I walked to the bus stop I felt very calm.
This is probably the most recent memory.
It was yesterday. The 5th of May; Cinco de Mayo.
I never think much of this day, and when I see it on a calender, only until I see a Mexican restaurant commercial advertising their half off margaritas do I finally realise that it is, in fact, Cinco de Mayo.
So there I was, in the car, having my mom drive me to the health food store. I had my iPod on, headphone buds in my ears. During the few seconds of silence between song changes… what is this I hear?
A beautiful sound in the background, leaking out of the car radio.
Everybody Wants To Rule The World, by Tears for Fears.
I have never heard this song before on the radio. Maybe this is because I don’t like the radio at all.
It was one of those moments where I smiled, because I have been listening to that song almost nonstop for the past month. And there it was, perfectly there with me.
So I turned off my iPod and for a good sixty seconds, I felt so fantastic in that green van. It was such a magical feeling.
Even though when I got to the health food store, the hot cashier wasn’t there, that moment meant the world to me. It surpassed the entire week before it, and probably the week before that one, too.
Even though today, Ryan H. is not someone I would call my friend, she was just that in my early years of living in North Carolina.
I would go to her house and play capture the flag with her asshole of a brother and some other kids from around the neighbourhood, and afterwards we would go up to the schoolyard and swing on the swingset and goof around and then come back to her house and make a giant pitcher of Cherry Kool-Aid. It was so good.
One day, Ryan invited me to go hiking with her in the mountains. I said yes, of course, and though I remember distinctly packing ill-equipped shoes for such an activity, I had fun.
What a view it was.
The day my childhood friend Dawn invited me to go to the Renaissance festival. She even payed for my ticket in advance.
I remember how much fun I had. There was so much to see and do. I bought these toasted almonds in this carrot-shaped cellophane wrapping. They were coated in cinnamon and sugar and I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything so fast in my life. To my dismay, afterwards, I walked past the snack stand and saw flies swarming all over the food.
I think the best thing is that even though it was the 21st century, everyone was in costumes and they were all convinced it was hundreds of years ago. I didn’t have enough money to buy every single thing I wanted, but I remember that it didn’t matter. Because you don’t need cash to have a good time.
It was one fine afternoon way back when. I know I was in junior high at the time because of the bus I was riding. And the fact that school let out so late in the first place. But anyway.
I was living in Matthews. And I was on the afternoon bus home, one of the years I was in junior high. Probably seventh or eighth grade. It was one of the last days of school in the school year. That’s why the bus was so empty. No one bothers to go to school much on the last week.
So it was a beautiful afternoon, and I was sitting in one of the bus seats, reading a book by Dean Koontz. I can’t remember the title, exactly, but I’m sure it was either The Husband or maybe The Good Guy. And I had my purse sitting right next to me, open, and a half-eaten sleeve of Saltines torn open and I was sitting in this warm dirty worn bus seat, listening to music, reading this book, eating soda crackers, and it was one of the warmest feelings in the world.
I couldn’t tell you why even. Some things you just remember.
One day, during my sophomore year of high school… I was sitting in Civics & Economics class. Students were handing out papers to grade in class, so to OBVIOUSLY save time for the teacher.
Then, a student stops and says, “Who wrote this?”
People looked around, confused.
The student clarified. “Someone wrote under their name, ‘Harry Potter’, and as one of the answers, ‘I am Lord Voldemort’. Whose paper is this?”
I bust out laughing. Because of this, people probably thought it was me who wrote this. But it wasn’t, and I found this so absurdly funny I just laughed out loud. Literally.
Other people were chuckling, but for some reason, I found this hilarious. I must have been having a boring day… nonetheless, this was a really funny moment.
Late one night I was up on the computer, and I was panning my eyes across the computer screen. Admiring some girl’s Xanga account. Her blog was a blog of pretty pictures with grain filters. Albeit; hipster-esque photos, photos of lampshades and people in bed, and sunsets and pawprints and close-ups of irises and pretty teacups…
I was admiring and right-clicking a lot of photos and saving them to a folder of pretty pictures, and then I decided to pull up a tab and listen to a song.
A song that is now my favourite song, ever. A song that’s the epitome of summer and brillianthappiness.
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? by Rooney.
Another magical moment where somehow the music went perfectly with what I was doing, and I was caught up in it so much… that feeling comes over me every time I hear this song.
It was during last winter. I was in the car with my family, driving to the library.
I popped in the CD Rockabye Baby! Lullabye Renditions of Radiohead.
I can’t really describe it, but I wasn’t the only one to pick up on it. My mom noticed it to; a feeling that came across everyone with the music and the white snow covering roads and roofs, everything.
I looked outside my window, and this magical music made me feel like I was in a movie. A cross between Edward Scissorhands and the game Candyland. The music went perfectly with the atmosphere. It was a sweet, deeply comforting feeling.
It was an actually beautiful feeling.