grow up

Some stuff happened over the course of my last entry, and a part of me died in the process. My outlook is different and I’ve grown up halfway. That gives me reason to mark this goal as done. As I’ve said, I will never give up being who I am completely. For example, I can obsess over celebrities but I don’t really want to be like I was (being the stereotyped fangirl about them and such). It just isn’t cool anymore.

I never want to fully grow up, because I feel life isn’t fun that way… but in the same sense, I don’t want to have an immature mindset about 90% of the time. I also don’t want to be taken advantage of or give in to what others want; and I want to stand up for what I believe in. (I do all three, but not necessarily all the time.) When I take the time to do what’s got to be done though, I can accomplish anything!

Instead of just going upstairs and wasting time on the computer, I brushed, flossed and used mouthwash on my teeth, and put away the dishes… and it didn’t take that long, either! I feel pretty good.

I still feel, even after this many months, that a balance is key. I babysit so I’m immature a lot with the kids, but that’s why they like me. I never want to completely grow up and be completely serious, because that’s no fun! But when I feel like acting serious, I can do it. I just have to remember to work harder at being less lazy and at procrastination. And to be a little more mature with how I handle myself and in certain situations.

It frustrates me when I have to deal with my mom telling me I’m immature… yet she controls me – not as bad as she used to, but even so – and has even written how she wants me to be her “little girl forever”... I get other problems from her, too.

What I don’t get is, okay I might avoid doing the dishes, which was supposed to be my responsibility… but then if I don’t do them, she avoids them too! Same with folding laundry, which isn’t even my responsibility to begin with! So she’s immature too, if you think about it!

And with attitude… she doesn’t really even know me anymore! If she’s going by the fact that on LiveJournal and Facebook she views me as immature, well… how about when she drinks too much coffee, or something?

And one of the things I hate, besides her controlling my finances is she makes a stink about how I spend my money… when I do spend it! I mean, I have so much in savings whereas she has none!

It’s hard for me to fully grow up when I have to deal with this…

Any advice, maybe?

I’m wondering if this goal is even worth it anymore… in any case, I still want to “grow up” with cleaning, studying and other things but when it comes to having an inner child in some ways I don’t see really anything wrong in it…
I’ve realized I just don’t wanna take life too seriously… I’ve done that too much already and I get so down on life that way. It’s more fun being immature. Maybe I just need to find a balance…

I’ve grown a lot this year… but not enough to mark this as done! I still need to become responsible with certain things, such as household tasks and studying.

I thought I could stay young in mindset for certain things but it just isn’t working anymore. I procrastinate and too often take the easy way out. I need to grow up and start acting my age, which is 22 years old.