overcome PTSD

I wanna write about this somewhere, figured it might fit here. My mom and I have both had our physical pains for the day and so she wanted a hug from me, thinking it might help us feel better. I hadn’t hugged her in a few years so it was nice. It momentarily made me happy, and I don’t know, feel like a whole person again. Like I didn’t have a void in my life from what I feel are/were a lack of motherly affections, or something. I wish that we could go back to how things were before I was 10 years old, when I was a sweet kid who didn’t have problems with my mother. But I can’t. Maybe someday my mom and I can get through our mother-daughter problems and have the ideal relationship I’m so jealous of.

My dad was an (is) alcoholic. He was abusive both mentally, physically, and sexually. My mom used to be physically abusive, but stopped when I was about 18. She’s still mentally abusive, though. I’m a commitmentphobe now. It’s gotten worse because I don’t really want kids, but if I ever do I want to make sure to get treated beforehand.