Live for me and no one else

I’ve been sick all day. I don’t know what started it, but now, after I’ve had too much sugar today, I feel sick to my stomach and kind of whoozy. I definitely need to limit my sugar intake! The best thing for me would probably be a vegan health nut, because I know a lot of things I eat end up making me sick in the long run (like dairy and too much salt and sugar) or I just dislike (such as most meats and eggs). I’ve been sick this entire year, with many missed ABE classes, due to headaches at least once a week… and I don’t know why. I need to take better care of myself so I’m not sick all of the time. I think exercising regularly and eating more healthily is in order! Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll be fine so I can go see a movie with my mother after class. I think drooling over Chris Pine is in order!

I didn’t talk to my “friend” for maybe two days. He texted me today sweet messages. He wished me a happy late Valentine’s Day, and then when I mentioned how I had been sleeping a lot today because of a headache, he apologized because he thought he had woken me up (which wasn’t the case), and he wrote that he hoped I felt better. Awwww. I wrote saying that I miss him and he wrote, “Same here.” =D Why won’t the Universe allow us to be together? :P

Tonight’s going to be an easy night. I’m going to read more of “Dragon Tattoo,” because I hope to finish it in a couple of days. I’m also going to start saving up for the “Dragon Tattoo” movie trilogy.

My friend told me he’s been avoiding me to avoid getting close to me. He said there’s a 98% chance he’ll have to transfer to a city a few hours from me. I’ve been in LDR’s before. I’m used to not seeing guys on a regular basis. So I could manage if we decided to get together, though that doesn’t make things easier. We were basically being mushy through text tonight and one of his texts in particular made me so giddy. I think we’re past even trying to be friends. Thing is? All I want is him. He wants me, too. We should stop thinking about him moving and just focus on the two of us. He doesn’t want me to move on and get a guy (I’ve done that several times already), and frankly it kills me if he was to even bring up liking another girl. Siiiigh! He wanted to hang out with me tomorrow, except he has to work. He hopes to spend time with me before he moves. I just want to be selfish in this situation and be his girlfriend. In any case, I don’t see him ever leaving my life in the future, so there always is hope for us to get together later on. And he’s such a sweetheart, etc. that the only reason I would get another guy is the same as before: because I couldn’t have him.

I told my friend I’m going to put distance between us.
if i don’t, I could easily see myself falling for him (unless I am already), and that wouldn’t be good, what with his possible job transfer. I realized though, had he and I met up sooner in person, I probably would’ve fallen in love with him already. There would have never been me and my most recent ex, either because of that reason or because before my ex I was into my friend, but he never initiated anything. I thought I was into my ex, but that isn’t on the same level as how I feel for my friend and the potential of loving him. He’s a sweet guy. He even apologized and blamed himself, saying he screwed things up and complicated things, but I explained that wasn’t the case. I texted that I miss him, and he wrote it right back. My recent ex was nothing. He was only a replacement because I couldn’t have my friend, not the other way around. I believe in twin flames. I don’t think my recent ex was that. Oh, how I wish I could be cuddled by my friend again, etc etc. What a sweet, wonderful man… but again, I have to talk to him less. It’s not right to fall for a guy that can’t be there (even if it is job-related)...

So overall my time with my friend went well. We have lots of chemistry! He ended up driving back to my house because I wanted him to, and we ended up cuddling and it just felt right. I forgot at times that we’re just friends. Other stuff happened, haha, but I”m trying to make this G-rated. He ended up paying for my admission fee at the theatre, because I couldn’t find my money. So I let him pay for my candy, too. He opened a few doors for me. His gentleman-ness is refreshing! I told him through text how I felt, about forgetting at times that we were just friends, and he wrote, “I know what you mean.” The problem? He might be transfering and he doesn’t want to start a relationship if it means having to break up with me. He wants to think about it. I told him to think it over soon then get back to me. We both admitted to liking each other. I hope we can hang out again sooner than later! Hopefully not another 3 years, haha!

Hopefully me and one of my guy friends can hang out Saturday. We’ve known each other for like 3 1/2 years over the Internet. Funny thing is that he’s originally from a town close to me, and is connected to me in other ways. I really like him and have wanted to date him off and on over the years but never had the chance to hang out with him.