Stop cutting

6 fucking months. i was doing so good. im so stupid. i cant take it anymore.

its been a while. like…almost…6 months. i tell everyone its been 9, but i cracked up, i dont want them to know though. cause i dont want people thinking im crazy again, i just got them to stop thinking that. even on my happy days i think about it. i dont understand it, but i have learned to live with the thoughts, cause i know that they wont ever go away. i miss it, i miss it soo bad, but i wont let myself do it. now that its cold again i dont know what i am going to do to not cut, cause i have a way of hiding it again. fuckk i am going insane with all these damned thoughts in my head. yeah, i learned to live with them, but i am still learning how to not act on them. idk.

7 friggin months. and i have thought about it every day. my life fuckin just spiraled down. i dont know why though….i think it is because its almost my birthday and my twin brother wont be here for it. he lives in cali with my dad (who is a complete ass to me) my dad treats me like im an outcast. he knows i used to cut, he told me that he doesnt understand why someone would want to do that. and he acts like is just something to do. he doesnt know that its MY way to feel things. i was doing so good. then i caught myself with a razor a couple days ago. i hate this dudes. as soon as i set this goal to finished i start thinking about it every day again.

this stupid site says that this goal is worth doing and i want to do this again. but no. never. ever ever ever ever ever.
if anyone needs to talk or anything
im willing to listen. i know what its like to need someone to talk to. i found someone. and ive been baptized by him, my youth pastor.
so email me at
ESamol92@hotmail.com
if anyone wants to talk!!!!

its been 4 months since i last cut, i am not ready to mark it as accomplished yet though, cause i still think about it every day. but i have done great, i havent given in.

since i last cut. i am doing great which gets me in a great mood. i am so proud of myself. i talk to my youth pastor. i told my mom. and i still feel great. although i wish my mom didnt act like theres nothing going on. like she didnt even hear me when i told her. but oh well.

it has been 3 weeks since i cut. so i am doing good. i guess. sort of….yeah. but i still feel crazy for doing it

last night i threw out all of my razors and anything else i used to cut. that was a giant step for me. i kind of want to stop now. and last night i didnt even freak out either…i thought i would. cause i wanted to cut last night. and before i could i threw them away. so i am doing ok. it has only been like a day and a half since i cut. but i am trying not to. and i am going to try my damnedest to stop. i hope i can make this work.

i cut again today. i keep giving in to the urges…i cant help it anymore. i dont know why…but i cant….i am trying to get help though…i think that counts for something…i hope..

so today i went and talked to the teacher that the guy i like wanted me to. and i kind of felt better afterwards…..i think i need to talk about it. as much as i hate the fact…i need to. i think keeping it all bottled up makes it worse than it is…and it is pretty bad anyways. it has only been like 2 hours since i last cut. but i am trying to do my best. and for now..that is all i can do. i cant stop just yet. it is my addiction. these things take time. and i know most of you know what i am talking about. i hate that people that dont understand why we all cut think that we can just stop like that. i mean some people can. but quite a few cant. it is really hard for me….i will just try and try until i succeed…who knows how long that will take