I want to get a lead role in a great studio film

i need representation, new pictures, a thinner waist, a way to submit myself and a head that is completely in the game. i don’t know what is going on with me. i’ve become obsessed with making money because i really need it. i haven’t had the time or the energy to really focus on my acting career. i need to shine myself up but when you’ve lost hope you don’t feel like doing that. i have to remember that my efforts did win me interest from a very dateable bachelor. it did get me into those plays, it did get me a costar role on csi ny…. it has been working for me… i need to really keep putting my energy into rewarding goals – not just paying bills, the electric thing really fucked with me.. . then again, the rent really fucks with me but if i were to put my energy on my one true goal that i have trained for years in i could have a positive outcome.

I am pursuing 2 opportunities at this time and I am proud of myself for that! I have asked for a script from my agent of a new movie that is going to be cast soon and i have asked a friend to have the casting director see me! i am working on things, he said i should be working and now i am going to get some work – after all i deserve it…. it’s just because of my low self esteem that i see things any differently, now onto making tonights dinner….

I’m not really doing anything to make this happen. I have submitted myself for some stuff but I really don’t know what my agency is doing. Let’s hope they are doing something. I don’t know what I can do to influence and shape my future. Well meditation, reading, affirmations, collaging, planning, writing things down, that kind of thing. Reading how other people do it, that all works.

part of getting new opportunities is feeling really right for them. I want to focus more of my attention on my industry by reading magazines regarding it. Also, articles and just really being in the spirit of the possibilities for myself. My affirmations can help me with this today. As well as, doing some reading and rethinking my goals.

I feel so far away from reaching this goal. I really need a manager I think. My agency gets me meetings but I don’t think I am in the running because they do no follow up. It would take a miracle and I’m praying for one… I’m praying for one.