Be kinder

I hope that I may use my irritation about the selfishness and self-centeredness of others to inspire me to remember not to be that way, because it is so unkind to be absorbed in oneself and completely disregard the experiences and concerns of others.

But I really think I’ve come a long way with evaluating my thoughts and impulses. I was never an unkind person to begin with-I have a good heart-but there were certain situations in which I didn’t feel kind. I think I’ve gotten better at catching myself and redirecting my thoughts.

This is one of those goals that can’t ever be finished, really, but I feel pretty comfortable with calling it done at this point, knowing that it won’t ever become something that isn’t important to me.

for myself and for S to each give blood on 12/24. We respond to every food/toy drive that comes along, but neither of us has ever given blood. And not for any particularly good reason either. So what better timing than at Christmas? And we’ll have E with us, so it’ll be a great example for him. (Our appts are consecutive, not simultaneous.) I hope this goes OK. I’m a little nervous!

I’d set a plan in motion that resulted in something very kind happening today. And I didn’t take one iota of credit for it either. I let it be assumed that someone else thought of it. I think not caring about getting credit is an important part of being kind.

as I read a letter from my son’s school today. One of the little girls in his kindergarten class has cancer. It required emergency surgery. The prognosis is actually fairly good. The school psychologist came into E’s classroom at circle time and talked to the children about it. We talked about it more at dinner.

My heart aches for this family. We just saw them at the town holiday celebration barely a week ago. We took E to a kids’ Halloween party at their house. They were the appointment ahead of us at Parent/Teacher conferences and as we waited we could hear them talking and laughing with the teacher.

And now this. I can’t imagine the hell of fear they must be undergoing.

I’ve sent off an e-mail to them already, offering to help. And offering to help in various specific ways, so they won’t interpret it as an empty offer they are shy to accept. We don’t know them well, but we live right around the corner.

The offer to help certainly counts as a kind thing. But really I just needed to put this down in black and white. I know things like this happen, but when it is literally close to home, it is just so stunning. I just can’t stop thinking of how hard it must be for them.

It’s corny as hell, but here it is. One of the things I love about Christmas is how it makes me think about what the people around me might like. I really love to buy just the right gift.

Don’t get me wrong, I settle for “not wildly inappropriate” often enough, when I’m busy and stressed and out of ideas. But really, though I understand all the arguments against the commercialism of Christmas, I do think there’s a lot to be said for choosing gifts for people. You want to please them. It’s a way of saying you care. You spend time thinking about what they’d like. It can all come from a good place.

So, I think if I do my shopping in the right frame of mind, this counts as being kind. I’d like to try to find things for people that will enhance their lives, not just be more clutter. Something that they will enjoy having/using.

OK, subscribers and others, here’s the ugly truth. ::looking down, very ashamed::

I admit it. I get jealous of other people. Thinner people. People with nicer homes. People who always know the right thing to say. Whatever. I know this is not a great thing, and I wish I could control it better.

But what I really need to work through is how much I tear people down in my mind because of that jealousy, and separate that out from when I genuinely reject for myself what they’ve chosen in their lives.

For example, it’s one thing to know that someone who goes on big vacations has unmanageable credit card debt and to console myself for my lack of fabulous trips by knowing that we’re slowly whittling away at debt. That’s a pretty fact-based self-comforting. It’s still petty and petulant, but it bothers me less than other mental tearing-down I do.

What bothers me is when I criticize (to myself) someone else’s choices just because they differ from mine and I feel angry that I can’t have/be what they have/are. (I’m dancing around specifics on purpose here, so it is a bit hard to articulate). I often find myself thinking along the lines of “Yeah, well, maybe they [do or have something] but at least I_ don’t [do something]” or ”...but they don’t [do something positive] like _I do.” Trying to tell myself I’m superior in some way.

Anyway. A specific way I can be kinder is to stop myself when I start to tear someone down in my mind, ask myself why I need to do that, and just change the subject for myself. There are plenty of things to think about without compensating for my insecurities by being mean about other people.

Ugh.

Our basement flooded 3 times in the last year, so we coughed up the money to get a very powerful sump pump with a battery backup.

Today (in ridiculously rainy weather) we lost power, and the battery backup did not work. Nor did the reset button. Nor did the “silence the alarm” button, but at least that didn’t give me 3-4 inches of water in my basement. The battery failure did.

5-6 hours ago we called the company’s 24-hr. emergency service number and they said they’d send someone. Since we’re still waiting, I called back a few moments ago, to be told it will be hours before someone comes. I asked if they’d be getting the water out of our basement because their equipment failed, and I was told no.

I am ashamed, but I said “Thanks for nothing!” and hung up. I don’t get angry easily, but I am angry. In my view, the equipment they provided (the battery backup) did not function and they are not taking responsibility for it.

But the guy on the phone has probably been yelled at all day (or longer) because in this crazy weather, countless basements are flooding, no doubt. And my son was in earshot.

_{need to take some deep breaths}

^{also, it is way less satisfying to hang up by pushing a button than by slamming down the phone}

the person who made the original post is not known to me as someone who doesn’t mind tangents. I might find it fun to be chatty on 43T, but if I don’t know the person through observation or conversation, I will refrain from inundating their inbox with e-mails they aren’t interested in. Hopefully I will be able to discern them as minds it and them as doesn’t. :)

I haven’t been unkind much lately. I won’t check it off because I could say something mean about someone anytime, but I am pleased at my behavior lately.