Heal

Growing up I was the oldest child of my mother´s, who married three times and had one child with each different father. So my stepdad is really well off, a prestigious academic,and my mother now holds a power job in culture, so I laked nothing, but not being the natural child of the third husband and being influenced by liberal and leftits ideology all my life I used loathe money. In my view it wass either stolen, or made by exploiting the poor workers of everyland. I did not see the whole picture, with money being a symbol for energy, innovation, invention and hard personal work on the entrepeneur´s side. So I am meditating and praying that my inner wall to abundance can be taken down, that the realization and enlightment I have been given recently on money can shine on me, and on everyone with this goal. I will be posting on the specifics of my past thinking and on how I am becoming everyday better positioned to recieve, THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR THY INFINITE RESOURCES!!!

I have all the money I need for my housing, my health and my fitness. I am blessed!

I spent a painful and feverish night last night, even tough I am on antibiotics, and I am out of yougurt, agggg, I don´t want to leave my house!

My sore throath last week was due to me having caught nasty infections (most likely from patients uGGGG. I am thankfull tough for it being a physical issue, not another downslide into depression (I take my meds regularly) so I am now on more meds, but it feels so good to know That I am not that crazy.
“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities; an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”
- President Harry S. Truman

Today I woke up and felt as If the inside of my vicebox had been scrtached by my baby cat, had a headache and a very bad pissy mood, so I turned in again after having made breakfast for DD. I really hope I am not a flu victim, but all my patients will be left there waiting for me. I feel so guilty and remorsefull, but then I am too flesh and blood, prone to accidents and illnesses, and it is more responsible for me to stay home rather than spreading arund a disease.

to heal depression one must first try to look outside oneself and see that a day missed from work in tears will have a large and profound effect on most poeple around you. To be a healer my depression helps me understand those lonely, deep dark places the min has in store but also realize that there are also ligh and fuzzy places one can get to.
CHEER UP everyone, keep the faith; God, nature, the inmune system and the people arond us want us to get better.

I am againg thinking about all the money that my daughter could come into if I just dropped dead. I have the nasty feeling that I worth more dead than alive, and I know that really is a big lie, because if I kill myself all insurance, private and from the government will be zip. But For the second year ina row my payments for the start of the year have been delayed. This has make me feel unappreciated, underpaid, overworked and totally worhtless. I am a woman who is not made out of money, but of flesh and blood, and skin and bones, and a brain, that I use to do my work. I load my 16 tons everyday, and they expect me to queep up being perky…I just want to cry, and storm and rage at the injustice…..I am on medication but have the deepest sadness…. my therapist will see me on tuesday… I will try to keep posting…

After consulting a few of my phisician friends and my own psy I have decided to do whatever it takes not to be depressed, including taking my medication and eating well and …yay, it hurts do a lot of exercise. And I mean a lot. I used to be pretty fit, muscular and atrong and since my pregnancy I just could not keep my mouth shut. I just kept eating, and eating, and when DD was born, I kept on, and did little exercise. As a consecuence I have a 33% body mass poecentage and my BMI is 28.5. So I can not go around life crying and feeling miserable, but I cannot get more overwieght, so I have to eat better, plan my menus, and walk, and exercise . I am strating first month 30 min a day, then, next month 40 min six days a week, third one hour four times a week, which I hope will get me in shape by my birth day.

I have struggled with depression since childhood. Had a major crisis when I was 20, and did seven 7 years of analysis, then I decided that I would try prescription drugs,which I stubbornly and willfully refused mainly for reasons of a “DRug free” environment I wanted to create. I started and stopped and multiple medication, but about a year ago after a crippling spell that left me in bed for more than a week I started zyprexa. This drug was given to psycotic patients and I tought I would not be a fit for this. But ALAS life had never been better aspectated. I was still insightful and creative, but not feeling sad and suicidal all the time. Then I started to gaing weight. And I found out that my lifesaver could give me diabetes. I was really freaked, since I have been off zyprexa forr two months, and have a really hard time exercising because I feel so lousy. But today I had the blood test confirming that I don´t have diabetes. Thinking it through, I prefer insulin to pointless missery. I urge everyone who reads this and is depressed to seek medical help. It really makes a difference. Hard work and an adequate dose can really make your life content most of the time rightfully amgry at others, and joyful on ocations …..

I am a doctor in general practice. For me to heal, at pace with my own healing process is how I make a living. The great pharmacys are ruling the world of medicine and the doctors are overstressed. To me, heal means balance, hard work and compassion for all beings.