...I have been shy. It once got so bad I couldn’t even buy things in shops on my own because I was so scared that I’d make an idiot out of myself or that people would laugh at me. I think it’s because I take so much notice of what other people do, how they walk, how their mouth moves, the little twitches some people have, that I have an obsession with making sure no-one sees any characteristics I might hold.
I people watch and have become a pro at recognizing parts of people personalities that I don’t like, or are weak and vulnerable. So when I see those in people I’m fearful I might be the same.
I always feel like other people can make better conversation than me, are wittier than me, are more interesting etc. So when I come face to face with a new person I get nervous that they’ll think I’m not worth their time or that I’m a horrible person. I’ve got better at doing things on my own and not relying on others to be there with me. I can walk down a street on my own and not feel like I want to curl up and die, but I’m still insecure about things, the general insecurities women go through I guess.
Ultimately, I’d like to be more confident with myself so that I’m always in the mood to walk down a street on my own and not care if I accidentally trip or something! I want my blushing to stop when people talk to me, and calm myself down more so my heart doesn’t pump like mad when an embarrassing situation arises.