Improve my self-esteem

this creeps up on me when I least expect it.

Started off today so well – feeling all cute in my new dress for work…

Then someone makes a comment that wasn’t even about me or in anyway related to me and I’m right back down again just like that.

I don’t know what it is really – I think I’m a good person – I just now have this voice in my head saying I’m not fun enough, I’m too boring, I don’t dress well enough, I’m too big.

I hate how I convince myself that noone likes me, that I’m too annoying. It stops me from making new friendships and improving the ones I have. Cos I just don’t feel like anyone would wana be friends with me or spend time with me.

Damn my silly head and issues!

bad again today :(

How are you meant to change this one?! Physical goals – lose weight, read a book, keep a journal, go to Italy… These are something physical you can achieve.

But how do you change a state of mind? I dunno :(

Having a low start to today and feeling completely unattractive, overweight and that nobody likes me because of it.

Already convinced myself that none of the people I met by joining a local theatre group like me anymore cos I drank too much on a nite out with them. Idiot!

At least I know when I feel like this it can only get better ;)

xxx

I’m really over excited because the theatre group I contacted have just emailed me back to say auditions are on Sunday!

This is to
a) Join the group and
b) Be in their summer play – which is called chorus line.

I am sick to the stomach with nerves over what piece I would chose for my audition – I think I have to dance too! But even worse would be the feeling of regret if I didn’t go, just all the ‘what if’s.’

The guy who emailed me about auditions said ‘don’t worry – if I, at 53 and 15 stone, can get in anyone can !’

SO SCARED!!! But its a good scared if that makes sense?!

Have decided that what my self esteem/ confidence needs is some extra hobby, so after much searching have finally come across a really awesome looking musical theatre group near me.

I used to do this loads at school, and I know it would give me such a boost to get back into it.

I emailled about membership and everything! I really should join, I hope I’m good enough – you have to audition to get it, but the shows they put on are exactly what I want to do!

xxx

There have been lots of tears! I don’t know whats wrong with me, but I am convinced noone likes me and everyone finds me really boring.

You know how sometimes you can be in a room full of people but feel really alone? I’m feeling quite empty I think – like my life is work, eat, TV, sleep…

I really want to join a musical theater group or something – I used to do LOADS of this stuff at school but have done nothing in probably 7 years now – only I cant find a decent group in my local area! I’m sure this would be a boost to my self esteem. Ho Hum.

Maybe I will start an art class or something – I don’t know why this would help particularly. Just feel like doing something like this by myself would give me a boost!

xxx

I have awful highs and lows with my self-esteem.

I was at my best friends twin boys 2nd birthday party yesterday and for the first hour I just sat their thinking none of my friends want me here, I’m too boring, they probably think I’m a terrible friend…

Completely un-provoked bouts of non existent self esteem – I confuse the hell out of my boyfriend getting upset all the time for seemingly no reason.

I think I compare myself to other people way too much which doesn’t help.

I know when I look back that my thoughts aren’t logical but I need to realise this at the time, not afterwards!