find myself

I see that finding myself is a never ending process of living as authentically as I can and learning things about myself all the time. I dont know if i will like the person I find as i examine myself but i am enjoying the process. In finding myself…I am living!

My worst fear is that when I find myself I will have found out that there is nothing special about me at all.

I have been away from this site and this goal. Here I am to remind myself of some things. To take a deep breath. To be strong. To not waiver in who I am. I have to spend time everyday with my own truths. It is easy to get wrapped up in circumstances and other people. I am ready to be in a relationship now but I have to careful and deliberate about my thinking. I have to find a balance between knowing who I am and being able to give myself to someone else without losing site of me. Oh that I would find someone who not only accpeted who I am but adored me for it all the more. This is the person I long for.

This is the year I will take the time to complete this goal. At the end of the year I want to be the best verion of me possible and that is all I can so. I would rather be all of who I am then part of someone else.

I think part of the key to this is not giving a shit about anyone. Be selfish. Ask wahts in it for me? What do i want?

i am in the process of remembering who I was meant to be. I am embracing the girlhood dreams and adventures I had. I know I make my own reality so i can be whoever I want to be. The trick is knowing who i want to be. I think i am begining to see this person i want to be and I am heading toward her everyday.

I need to find a way to seperate my self worth from other people.

I think I have been underestimating myself. I am many things. I am good at many things. I am smart and funny. I am attractive. I am deep. I am strong and adventerous. I am talented. However I have been my own worst enemy, unable to take a compliment, unable to see myself for who I am. I have seen myself as not enough or too much therefore I have scaled back on the real me. I have only showed the parts of me that I thought others would find acceptable. I did this in my marriage, with coworkers, family and friends. I need to be a completed person all the time. I need to see that being myself is way more important then being adaptable and acceptable. I need to stop underestimating myself.

Cleaned out my closet. I wasn’t in there. i will have to keep looking.

behind the quest is that we all probably know who we are but we play these games with ourselves and others. We try to become what THEY want us to be or what we THINk other people want us to be.