let go

It is no longer my choice or my decision. Some of my power has been taken away. You have shown me that leaving was the right choice. I dont belong with someone who wont fight for me. I dont belong to someone who tells me I am not worth it. The truth is I deserve better and you are not good enough for me. You never were. You were stability.

I want to take the pain you have caused me and turn it into something vile and carry it around as some badge I earned. I want to lash out. i want to hurt you as much as you hurt me. Sadly I cant even hurt you. My only choice I have left is how I deal. My only choice is what my attitude is going to be. It wont always be easy and there will be moments of intense grief. But I will take the high road. I will pray for you and for God’s will. I will learn to forgive you and I WILL LET YOU GO.

There is the closure. Its all wrapped up in a cardboard box thats torn and held together with duct tape. Still its closed. A chapter I would like to entitle, “A Colossal Waste of Time”.

I have to say good bye to you. I have loved you for a really long time and I can not trust you. I wont let your lies affect me anymore. I dont pretend to understand you. All I can do for both of us is let you go.

I feel this ache. I need to figure out a way to let go of the people in my life that do not make me feel good about myself.

It was so long ago. We were just teenagers. Why did it hurt so much? Why cant I let it go an trust that it wont happen again? I dont think it will save our relationship but for my own well being I have to purge myself of this negative feeling. I have to stop feeling that pain over and over and realize that I am worth more then the price I have paid to carry it.

I think that letting go would mean that I would have less then I have now. Obviously I have already lost something if I need to let go. I dont want to be angry with life anymore. Letting people off the hook I have held them on only makes the weight on my shoulders lighter. It isnt easy but once it happens…I smile more and remember what joy is.

but in one area maybe I am starting to learn. But I am afraid that in letting go I am setting myself up for something worse. I dont want to feel anything.

This applies to so many thing…past hurts, people that make me feel bad about myself, leting my kids grow up and make mistakes, perfectionism. How do I start? Any suggestions?