Overcome my OCD

This video is quite helpful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa6hHLp6RyY

OCD and anxiety sometimes go hand in hand since many anxious thoughts are what cause the OCD symptoms. This video isn’t necessarily for general anxiety, but if you have panic attacks, I hope it’s helpful for you :)

Honestly if it weren’t for this website, I would never have really looked at my OCD as a problem that needs to get fixed, but staring at it on my list everyday motivated and warned me to get help.

I don’t think I’ll ever FULLY be over my OCD, it’ll probably always be something that lives with me…I mean everyone has OCD to some degree from superstitions to things always having to be in place to anxiety…but I’ll no longer fear dying every day. I’ll no longer have to cross my eyes or touch my ring fingers or shake my head compulsively. Every once and a while I still notice traces of my OCD and anxiety still coming back, but after seeing a therapist, I have the knowledge and control of my mind to tell myself when I’m being realistic or when I’m being ridiculous.

I’ll count this as finished, and if things ever get out of hand like they used to be, I’ll probably do this goal once again. But as of now, I’m counting this as done. Goodbye OCD.

and she was so nice, and although for my first visit she was just interested in finding out stuff I already know about myself..like how my OCD/anxiety started. Still, I guess I’ve never really bluntly figured it out myself before.

It turns out I’ve had OCD/anxiety all my life: probably genetics..but in the past year it has been so bad because of a death that caused my best friend to move away a year ago. Apparently, I became traumatized not through crying or anger, but instead through compulsions that only satisfy me for the moment. We found out that most compulsions I have involve me tensing my muscles in some sort of way, releasing anxiousness.

Also, she helped me find out that the reason I’m so afraid to speak bad things or think bad things is because people tend to believe that they can cause things to happen..usually caused by just one or two coincidences in their past. When I was little, I became obsessed with the fact that coincidences happened so much, causing me to eventually believe I caused incidences because of the thoughts I thought, and this eventually caused me to think bad thoughts to always prepare myself for what might happen.

Obviously every case is different, but I suggest to EVERYONE with this goal to see a counseler. After a few sessions, I think I’ll finally be able to count this goal as done. :)

Okay so I started taking xanax for my anxiety. This is only the second day and there isn’t really anything to make me anxious so I can’t tell if it’s working or not…other than I think I have the side effect of being really drowsy. But I’ll know tomorrow during a chorus performance if it has any effect.

As for OCD, I’m afraid to take the medicine because the side effects sound soo horrible. Some were like easy bruising or bleeding, seizures, increased anxiety, uncontrollable trembling, slurred speach, etc. Ackk that sounds scary. Luckily I don’t have to take the medicine and my mom already signed me up for behavior therapy over Christmas break.

He was extremely nice and funny and he really knew what he was talking about. We talked for about an hour and he said I could do counseling and try some medicine. I’m sick of doing counseling cause I do enough of that crap with myself with little self help journals and yes they help, but they don’t get rid of the problem completely.

Plus he said that OCD and anxiety can be caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, and so he said I should try a small amount of this one sort of medicine and we’ll see how it works.

Overall, I’m glad I went. And I’m even happier that I’m finally going to be getting some real help.

So I have an appointment with a doctor who specializes in anxiety and OCD, both of which I have, and I’m going to see him in 2 weeks. I’m kinda scared, but I really can’t wait at the same time.

...has really helped me to understand a lot of my problems. For one thing my ridiculous ability to predict ridiculous things..like what TV episode would be coming on next, when it was going to rain, when teachers would change the seating chart in elementary school, blah blah…drove me crazy. There was a time once when I had my entire 5th grade class fooled because I predicted that we would have extra recess AND we’d be doing an experiment in science. They all thought it was so amazing, and for a week or so, everyone called me “Psychic girl.” I don’t believe in psychics are supernatural powers (though that’d be cool if we had them) but I could not take it, it seemed like I could predict anything.

Turns out, my psychology class showed me what was going on. I wasn’t seeing into the future, I was critically thinking common sense. It’s called the Hindsight Bias. It’s when people have the tendency to believe they knew something was coming after the results happened. It was also Illusory correlation, meaning I started to collect proof I had predicted something..meaning when it rained, I’d say “Oh my gosh, I was thinking yesterday [for about 3 seconds] about rain! I knew it was coming!”

However the main thing that it was, was common sense. Another thing in my psychology book. Truth was, what were the chances of it not raining after it hadn’t in 2 months? Or what were the chances of episode number 42 not coming on TV or the teacher not eventually changing the seating chart?

Psychology is really interesting and has changed things a lot for me. Now that I’m finally over ridiculously unusual coincidences, I can focus on my actual OCD problems. I don’t even know if this counts as OCD, but it’s sort of an obsession with my mind misunderstanding facts. At any rate, only a few more months before I can go see a counselor.

In class the other day I felt like I was almost going insane. When I think too long about things like galactic space, or the depths of the ocean, or the way the human mind works, I’m always so amazed and dazzled, but at the same time it puts me in almost frightful mood. I also remember a time when it was late at night and I was starting to get dizzy, so I got worried something was wrong with me, and my heart started to beat really fast and I kept worrying that I was going to die and I felt like I was going mad. I know it was a panic attack, and I’ve learned to get over those much better now, but those are the things that I know I’ve got to get help for.

As soon as volleyball season is over, my mom agreed to take me to a counseler. Last year when the season was over was when my panic attacks really started to take over my life, but I know that was because I stopped exercising and getting rid of the stress that I bottle up. On the outside, I appear fine to everyone, and sometimes on the inside I even feel fine. But it just takes one nervewrecking phone call or one heartbeat out of normal and suddenly I’m thrown into my OCD again.

I have a weird I guess it’s called a “ritual” in OCD terms of stopping and HAVING to smile at certain things like American flags, a bible, an important card or picture, etc. Even if I don’t fully smile, I at least slightly pull up the corners of my mouth in a sort of grin. I don’t know why. I guess it’s because I feel ashamed not to honor something important if I look at it.

In my room there are a few things, like pictures and books, that out of nowhere I would smile at. Sometimes, I’ll even look for it in my room when I’m feeling anxious.

I decided a good way to start overcoming my OCD before I go see a counselor is to work on stopping certain things I do. So I started by moving every book and picture and putting it away or in a new position so I’m not tempted.

I told my mom about the fact that I think I have OCD and she agreed that she thought I did. She offered to take me to a counselor if I wanted, so I think I will soon.