that’s the song that’s on right now. It’s a different version, but it’s good for this moment.
I have so much ability. It’s amazing. I’ve been put together in such an unique way. My background is varied in ways that allows me to understand other people who feel like no one else does as well. My personality is a rare one, but besides that…. I just really kinda cool. lol :) I’m not everything. There are clear things I am not and cannot do, but what I am…. is unusually and amazingly put together. I suppose the term is ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ and part of the marvelous works of God.
Jesus, I feel odd tonight. Live with me here in it please? I’m going to walk into a new era of life it feels. and I honestly wish I was journaling this a journal instead. but i’m not sure I can write that well. it hurts to type more today that otherwise.
but then, I’ve gone through a LOT. the crying and shock and ANGER yesterday. then the dealing, the letting go, the praying, the answer, the shifting to be excited at the good, and be open to the change and surprise of it all. and yet, praying and finding to admit I’m scared. another new season in a different area in life.
stopped to sing along with “My Reflection” and Mulan. I like Pandora sometimes. oh yes, Michael Buble came on. I really like Pandora. lol :)
ya know, since this is still my page on 43things which is still here….. ;) here’s me typing for old time’s sake again….
ya know? I really enjoy music more than for listening sometimes. If I pick what I REALLY just like and finally I’ve started listening to it. hmmm…. my stations on Pandora now allow for sometimes me to listen to a LOT of songs I like that others in family and friends would never approve of, and what I find? :) yes, a slow big real smile…... always…. the inspiration. I hear music and I hear me. I’m one of them. oh I’m not famous world-wide, but I have people who believe in my abilities, and the truth of what keeps me going – I love it too much to hush up!!!! :D Oh! there is so much i want to try out and see where i can go and what I really CAN do. composing, different sounds, different styles, different air around you for it, different feel. and i suppose the main if only difference in my thoughts and excitement now than the years before when I’ve written the same :) is this…. who you look at that… ha. :) I actually am more confident than I was. I have a sure-grounded love that I ‘get it’ and belong inside the music I hear. Not just a longing as a young hopeful wishing that someday I could be there and fit in…. fit in to something like that. I :D (clasps hands and pumps them on either side of head in cheers and victory) I
guess. nope, I know… I DO fit. I have found where I fit in. It’s inside the music notes, sometimes jumping from one to another, or other times whirling inside one in a world itself. Flying in streamlined melodies, dancing exuberantly in the greater sounds multiple layers and instruments create anew. and then….. :) what every musician knows to be true, there are moments you love – the silence. the beauty and peace and expanse and rest that doesn’t make you appreciate the music, but makes the music worth even more to appreciate. It honors it or something.
well. it’s late here and I need to finish up house chores. but i did eat finally. and though my troubles are not over….. it was nice to see this and put it in words. I fit now. once where my heart SO longed to be. Present, past. and my hope and desire for the future is to be IN that world and spinning it out from within me myself. And not alone either, working with God to enjoy and to reach through. I don’t know how it will be. sigh. i don’t know a lot about the future. more scary question marks than i can live with. :(but. God. I’m telling you the truth. This time in my life is different. It had to be, and it’s my only hope that it will continue to be and lead to the promise fulfilled. That I will walk into that by somehow walking in that step by step. God, this is time and season or what have you where You know so much more than I do. So for now, help me choose the good and leave the rest to You. I got a birthday gift!!!!! It’s a beautifulhandmade gift. for ME! me! I can’t wait to use it. and it makes me happy to think of. Loved. and happy. and tomorrow maybe I can either cancel the help or have them do less so I can save some money. hm. will see.
stopped to finish my errand and lol stopping again because i see i didn’t! lol did other things that were good. okay. finished now.
A song came on and most people would have no idea that the theme of this pop/rock/fusion style song is from Beethoven’s A minor movement from I think the 6th symphony. But I’ve played it. so I recognize the haunting second layer of the theme dispersed in it rather nicely. i love knowing music that well to appreciate what other musicians are doing as well-versed ones mixing it up. It’s not just a pretty song. anyway…. rambling… :) sigh, but I love cello.
symptom still bothering me. worrying. time to pray. and post this. and see what else to do. need to take the med again. the one causing the symptom but abating others. :/ but.
pray. pray much. and start back on allowing the good. stopping in it. and enjoying and embracing it like a friend for the journey. and take the med when i can, and take extra of what else I have on hand to hopefully help and know…. know that God lets time change things and change change things, and He’s got a plan for our good in the questions I don’t understand. This is what I have to cling to… like static.
- Always Free to Choose (and boy, am i grappling with that tonight i suppose.) cf? truly grappling….