Become financially secure..... because it terrifies me

since my last entry under this. not sure how to get movement and progress here, but the thought came maybe try, “become financially secure…. so I have something to give.” There’s a ton I would like to give to, I just don’t have the monetary means to give consistently. so. that’s a thought. i dunno. i need to sleep before the world looks even more dreary and unbearable. lol – efg

Someone suggested I make a business card for the side job I’m trying not to start. lol no that’s not true. I AM trying. It’s just not easy to do something you’ve never done, and going out there and trying is new for me on this. So yes, it will be terrifying. but what is the motto? Feel the fear, know it’s not reality, and do it anyway!!! F.E.A.R. – False Evidence Appearing Real. right?

(yeah, that’s why I’m needing more faith right now! oh well, that’s another entry lol). so.

yes started looking online for inexpensive business cards. Not sure what to go for. I mean this is only something I’m trying. not making a bonifide business out of? or am I? I guess it’s not bad to go for quality as long as it’s not costing me more. I should be wary of putting money into this venture. but if I can get quality without increased cost… and I mean financial cost AND physical/mental cost, then that’s not a bad thing. I just can’t attack this like I do so many things. and then as long as I’m not, I can go ahead with allowing things to be nicer and more professional just without hassle. So far this is all I’ve found http://us.moo.com/partner/freepack

so, back to looking. and if anyone reads this and has some suggestions about business cards – where to get them, what is eye-catching, what really matters to put on one etc. I would really appreciate any help!!! :) seriously! :)

off to google around,
~ cf

to securing my financial future, but it’s evidence I’m actively trying to be more aware of it. Normally I would not have thought about this and just let it sit until one day it dawned on me. Instead, I moved the amount directly into my reserves where it has some direction. It’s a step. Things are that much more organized and clear. And while it hardly seems to make a dent in the big picture, again, it makes a difference for now and sets me up to better plan the future plans. :)

to figure this out. Coming up with budgets out of my ears. and I just want to cry. no worries I won’t yet. but it just seems so utterly hopeless. I truly have no idea how this is going to work.

I suppose it’s a good thing to feel hopeless and know you haven’t really spent time asking God for help or factoring all of that into the equation. So maybe if my faith is restored, maybe I could see the way out of this. I just don’t know. and I know there are deeper issues etc. as to why I’m not just trusting God with all of this. and honestly? those are going to be soooo emotionally exhausting and mentally draining (which will knock the little stuffing left in me physically right out) if I’m going to go through them, and get the answers.

can’t feel it’s worth the trauma yet. maybe I will in the coming days. not sure of much. but that I’m tired. so time to hit the pillow.

:S

not sure what the first one would be, but I think a certain monetary figure to aim to make by a certain date might be an option. I guess envision my completely financially secure future life situation (just the first step, not final) and then see what mini-steps I can incorporate right now bit by bit.

maybe formulating a better budget.
then taking another job to work towards filling up one item on the new budget (and then another when I can and so on and so forth so I am better off than I am now whenever this all does blow up. hopefully I will get less cut up by the shards flying everywhere then!!)

let me start by saying basically – it’s not my fault, but it will be if I don’t take responsibility for it.

The odds are certainly not for me, but then shouldn’t that just make me relax and feel comfortable? My life has always had tints here and there of the insane and inane. lol

But the thought that just started running through my head is, if I don’t want to be like him then I cannot let myself be ruled by fear. he has nightmares of what he could fix in the day if he just faced his fears, faced the truth, and changed.

and so it is with me. if I do not want to live in that insane, non-sensical, maddening, and truly sad way, then I cannot let fear petrify me. It’s terrifying to step into an unknown, absolutely terrifying, but there is no other way to make it known.

so. somehow, I must find the way or ways to face up to it and not back down until I do have it figured out. blunders and all, there’s just no other way to learn. so let the learning begin. we have bandaids. :)

lol (see what I mean about a touch of the crazy in my life!) ;)
~ cf