Create a big book of "Things I Wanted to Share with You" for my stepdaughter, stuffed with letters, recipes, anecdotes...pretty much everything

the other day when I was at the grocery store with Alexa. We were in the produce section and I asked her if she knew how to pick out good bananas or a good tomato. She said “no,” but was curious, so I showed her how to pick out produce. I was surprised (but not really) that she had never learned this in shopping with her mother, as she is a very perceptive and inquisitive child. I had fun showing her how to check firmness and how to look for bruises. So, I think this will be another chapter in her book: how to pick your produce. It seems such a small thing, but it’s really part of successful grocery shopping and meal planning—a part we take for granted if we had mothers that hauled us around at the grocery store!

since our trip to Ohio to see her, which ended so poorly. After days of stomach grinding tension and bad karma with her mother, I really began to think about how sorry I am that Alexa will miss out on so much of what makes her Dad and me a family. Alexa’s mother and my husband have very dissimilar parenting styles, and very different family traditions, observances and customs, and while I don’t think ours is necessarily better than hers, I am sad that Alexa misses out on ours. I know that her mother doesn’t have a lot of respect for my husband, and so very little emphasis is placed on our family (including us and our extended family) and the the way we live. Her mother doesn’t believe military service is a noble sacrifice, so she makes fun of it in front of Alexa. She doesn’t respect the fact that Alexa has a hyphenated last name (comprised of hers and my husband’s last name), so she allows Alexa to only go by her maternal last name, and registers her in Brownies, at school or in sports with only her last name. She never has Alexa return phone calls from my husband’s siblings or grandparents.

Essentially, I really think that because Alexa’s mom hasn’t been able to move on from her’s and my husband’s poisoned history, she is unable to give him any credit for anything, or allow him to share any of his own private bonds or experiences with Alexa. I think she has a vested interest in not allowing Alexa to become too close with her Dad. I’m not as angry as I’m sad about that fact.

Anyway, lest this descend into a long, grievous complaint about the injustices of being the non-custodial parental unit, the reason I am writing this entry is because I have a deep and profound desire to share our life and our beliefs with my stepdaughter. I am aware that because of the disappointing circumstances that exist right now, Alexa will never align or deeply identify with our lifestyle, and I’m trying to cope with that and remain positive and uplifting. I know that it may be many years before she feels ok identifying or giving her dad any credit in life at all. So, I thought when that day comes (hopefully it will come), I would like to share a big scrapbook of sorts with Alexa. I have been writing a lot since she was a very little girl about our family experiences together, just stories really. So, I thought I would take those, and the stories I continue to write, and put them together in a book for her. I would also like to include a scrapbooked family tree of her Dad’s and my side of the family, and share little anecdotal stories about each member of the family. I would like to include things like my Mom’s and my Grandma’s time-tested, best-of-all-time recipes. I would like to include some letters we have written Alexa periodically through life, during times of separation, disappointment or when we have missed major events. I would like to include my thoughts on why continued education is the only path enlightenment and improving yourself, and tell her that we will support her in any educational endeavors in her life. I would like to share with her why I think it’s so important for her to try living alone before she gets married. I would like to tell her about why I think girlfriends are the most life-sustaining, positive, enriching resource she’ll ever have—to nurture the friendships she has and guard them througout her life. I’d like her Dad to share with her what military service means. This is what I would like the book to be: a rich history of the family that she missed out on. I feel, down to my very core, that Alexa will wake up someday as an adult, and have a strong desire or curiosity to know more about us. I mean, I know she gets to know us through our summer, Christmas and spring vacations, but I mean to know us. Particularly, I think she is going to want to know where she comes from as far as her father is concerned. At some point, we all want to explore our roots, dig around and see where we come from. Here’s hoping that day will come for Alexa, and I’ll be able to share something beautiful and uplifting with her.